1. Are you really a vet?
No. Ha! Yes, I am, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.
2. Where did you go to school?
University of California, Davis. I’d brag about that but I leave that to the people at that OTHER vet school. You know the one. You can tell a Davis grad by asking them this question: What did you do at the Smoker? If they stammer and refuse to answer, they are an Aggie.
3. Are you available to write for our site, speak at our conference or do other media work?
I do freelance writing and contribute to local media as a health and lifestyle expert. I am also available for speaking engagements.
4. Can you answer a few questions about my cow and lizard?
No. The day I passed the board exams was the last time I knew anything about cows. I never knew anything about lizards, even during the boards.
5. OK then, how about a question about my dog? I’ll be quick.
Let me be unfortunately and under orders from a qualified lawyer clear: I cannot diagnose, prescribe, or make treatment recommendations for your pet. It’s almost impossible to do accurately over the net anyway, and even if it weren’t, I legally can’t. That requires a Veterinarian-Client-Patient-Relationship. You and I have a Casual-Internet-Acquaintance.
Questions about your pet’s health condition will always be answered the same way: do what your veterinarian says.
On that note, while I talk about certain medical conditions from time to time, allow me to write in small print my medical disclaimer:
The information contained here is intended solely for the general information of the reader. It is not intended to diagnose health problems or to take the place of professional medical care. The information contained herein is neither intended to dictate what constitutes reasonable, appropriate or best care for any given health issue, nor is it intended to be used as a substitute for the independent judgment of a veterinarian for any given health issue.
In other words, if you have a question about your dog, you should see your awesome local vet and not take my word for anything, even given my answer to question 1.
6. I want to be a vet. How do you do it? Where do you go? How long does it take? How many hours do you need to volunteer? Which are the best schools, in what order are they ranked, and what is the approximate cost of education and number of applications per seat for each?
Darned if I remember. You may want to start here. I know this: yes, you need math, yes, you put your arm into a cow’s rectum within a month or two of arriving, and I will be repaying loans until I retire. The rest is a blur.
7. What do I call you? Dr. V? J-dawg?
This is strangely enough probably the most frequently asked question I get. No, really. Let me break it down for you:
My name is Jessica Vogelsang, DVM. Obviously you aren’t going to call me that unless you’re a spambot from overseas, so here are your options:
Dr. V/ Dr. Vogelsang: This is what you call me if you want something from me. Hint hint. Either will do.
If you’ve bought me a drink at any point in our relationship, Jessica will do.
8. Can I write a guest post for you?
We are not accepting guest post submissions at this time. Please don’t be offended if you do not get a response as we get multiple a day.
9. You’re a vet? You must love your animals more than your kids, you dog loving hippie nut.
Oh yes, my kids share a room so that Brody and Apollo can have a room all to themselves. They in fact sleep in a broom closet like Harry Potter while Brody rests his furry head on 800 thread count sheets.
Sarcasm aside, I only like my animals better than some people. Like you.
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