When I was in college, I volunteered one night at a Grammys gifting suite. As a peon, I wore my one nice dress and handed bags full of ridiculously extravagant presents to celebrities and/or celebrity assistants. In return, I got….well, to say that I did it, I guess. Swag has gotten even more crazy in the ensuing years. Out of control, even.
Compared to the Grammys, the Oscars are even more insane- the “Everybody Wins at the Oscars” bag given to the non winning nominees in the top 5 categories is valued this year at $160,000. Included: glamping trips, “adult massagers”, cars, wine, jewelry, and- for real- mind control lessons. All the things a needy star could desire. Ah, Hollywood, you’re so crazy.
To balance out the scales of ridiculousness, Halo and Freekibble.com are donating something to the bag that everyone will love: 10,000 meals to the shelter of the nominee’s choice (that’s $6K in food!) So when they sort through the bottles of moisturizer and tooth care items, they will also find this:
So you don’t have to give up on humanity entirely. Some good will come of this bacchanalia.
In honor of this event, Halo is helping me out by offering something to you as well: two goody bag items, one dog and one cat. While I can’t give you guys any adult items (this is a family blog!) or 10,000 meals (though I promise if I’m ever an Academy Award bag recipient I totally will donate my prize), I can offer the following:
The dog and cat prize will each contain:
1 bag of Halo food (dog or cat depending on the prize)
1 container of Halo Liv-a-Littles treats
1 autographed copy of All Dogs Go to Kevin (to be sent after release on July 14)
At least 2 additional surprises such as a Gentle Leader, K9 Cakery kit, Yeoww! catnip cigar, Blinking Buddy cat toy, Through a Cat’s Ear CD, Groom Genie brushes, Hidey Hole cat bed!
Estimated retail value: $125
Terms: This giveaway starts NOW and ends at midnight PST Tuesday, Feb 24 2015- so enter now before you forget in your haste to watch Fashion Police on Monday! All you need to do is click here and enter your email address. One winner for each prize will be selected randomly and notified by email. US only (There’s weird laws about international food shipping, sorry.)
As for the Oscars themselves? I’m rooting for Grand Budapest Hotel, personally, but that might be because it’s the only Best Picture nominee I’ve seen. Who cares? It’s all about the dresses anyway!
I’m sure you get fan letters all the time, from people who love your art: Clerks, Dogma, Chasing Amy. I think Chasing Amy was one of the first movies I watched with my boyfriend, who is now my husband. He thinks you’re the cheese.
I think you are a great writer, and like all great writers you have an amazing willingness to share things that other people hold close. Painful things, like a humiliating experience with an airline or, in this case, the terribly personal loss of a beloved dog. I am so very sorry Mulder died. I hope it is OK I am sharing the photo you posted because the love and the bond you share in this shot is there in a way I think others would be very comforted by.
To everyone: I encourage you to read Kevin’s words about Mulder here: They are beautiful.
I’m writing you today to thank you because I don’t know if you know just how special this is- not only your bond with Mulder but the fact that you are open to sharing this with the world. As a hospice veterinarian, I see people every day who are torn to shreds to have to say goodbye to their beloved companion. All kinds of people: women, kids, men, even big burly Marines and wrinkly faced Charlton Heston types. I worry about those men the most, because they have so often been taught not to express grief and sadness that they are as worried about my own reaction as they are just letting themselves experience the moment and admit, yes, I love this creature. Of course I am grieved.
I can speak all I want and tell people that they have permission to feel this way and let themselves cry and share and ask for camaraderie in a time that often feels incredibly isolating and lonely, but until more people like you- people with influence, whose words matter to so many- do what you’ve just done, it will continue to be a struggle for many more.
The conversation you opened up on your Facebook page- that matters. That’s huge. There are so many people starved for the opportunity to reach out and know it’s OK to drop your basket over this kind of loss, it’s like a dam breaking every time. What a testament to Mulder to have so many share in kind. It doesn’t lessen the pain, but I think the sharing the burden does help cushion the blow.
He was a beautiful dog and I know your heart must be broken into bits right now. For every idiot out there who called you an ‘attention whore’ for this, there are hundreds more moved to empathetic tears by your loss. You have fans who have your back. The average person out there who doesn’t have that support needs to see that.
And in the spirit of sharing, I’ll post a picture I never planned to share for all the reasons I just mentioned: I look horrible and tear streaked. It was a private moment. It is my dog Kekoa kissing me on the day she died. I was really annoyed with my husband for pulling out the camera that day, but in retrospect, I’m glad he did. You’d be surprised- at least I was- at how many people do the same when I am there to help them say goodbye. Maybe this will help others feel more permission to do the same.
I guess now I’m attention whore too. It’s all good.
Dr. V, your newest fangirl
P.S. Will have a pint to toast Mulder’s long and storied life tonight.
Vaccines are a complicated topic, let’s start with that. It’s impossible to break down the conversation into something so simplistic as “Vaccines: yes or no”. Some are more effective than others, some prevent more severe diseases than others. There are some vaccines I did not recommend (hello, FIP) and others I was adamant about (parvo!) when I was in general practice. This is why you should have a good relationship with a vet you trust, who is willing to have a dialogue.
On the other hand, when people are wading into the quagmire of what to vaccinate for and when to boost it versus titer it, one thing stands: ALL puppies should have ALL the core vaccines: parvo, distemper, adenovirus-2, and rabies. What you do after the one year booster is between you and your vet, but basic risk/benefit is indisputably on the side of vaccinating young dogs for the above vaccines on schedule.
I think sometimes people forget how awful some of these vaccine preventable illnesses are. If you’ve ever seen a puppy dying of parvo, you would never miss that vaccine for your pet again.
Cancer. It’s scary stuff. Every day, I hear another story of an elderly dog and cat diagnosed with neoplasia, and my heart hurts for those dealing with it. Without a doubt, cancer sucks, and every new breakthrough is a gift.
There’s lots of theories and evidence pointing to different causes of cancer. Food, say some. Chemicals, say others. Vets peddling food and chemical-laden vaccines, say many. And I’m here to tell you this: They’re right.
What? Say it ain’t so!
It’s true. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and going back through my years of work in the veterinary field, and I’m here to tell you this: In the United States, the leading causes of cancer in dogs and cats are:
Vets Lead to Cancer. There, I said it.
The epiphany came to me a couple of years ago, when I was in Granada, Nicaragua. Life is simpler there, freed of the constraints and interferences from big companies typical of our American lifestyle. The dogs down there? They are free.
Down in many of the places I’ve visited such as Granada, Iquitos, and Turks and Caicos, the dogs aren’t exposed to commercial pet foods. They eat like their ancestors, from what they can scavenge.
They don’t get injected with toxins/vaccines/anything.
And they certainly don’t have their reproductive organs rudely removed. They live and die the way God intended, without Big Corporate Interference.
And when you compare the causes of death in these areas to the causes of death here in the States, one thing is for sure:
When Vets, Pet Foods, and Medicine Stay out of the Picture, Cancer Does Too.
(Well, except for that nasty transmissible venereal tumor that is rampant in stray populations in tropical and subtropical climates and leads to a premature agonizing death, but let’s look past that all-natural death for a minute.)
Here’s the thing that has had researchers and doctors and scientists scratching their heads for years: No one can predict when cancer will strike. Sure, there are certainly things that can predispose one to tumorigenesis, such as genetics (sorry, Golden Retriever lovers), or the feline leukemia virus (sorry, 2-3% of all cats in the US with this vaccine preventable illness), but the truth is cancer is a capricious, heartless bastard.
Sometimes it strikes young people or pets who have eaten nothing but organic kale salad and free range chicken their entire lives. Sometimes it skips that old person who’s been pumping themselves full of tobacco and GMOs and grain-fed beef, or the dog who’s been swimming in toxic waste on a daily basis.
The Number One Cause of Cancer Is This
There are plenty of known risk factors for the development of cancer in certain populations, but only one that without a doubt spans all species in all countries: AGE. Age causes cancer.
If only you had died before you were thirteen, Kekoa, this bone cancer thing never would have happened. Can I ever forgive myself?
When I was in Granada, what was the main reason I saw so few dogs with cancer? Was it their diet of plastic wrappers and banana peels? (No.) Their lack of vaccines? (No.) It was because until World Vets showed up with their evil boxes of toxins and Frankenkibble and neuter packs, the average lifespan of a dog down there was four years old.
Big Pharma, Big Pet Food, and Big Vet Med directly correlate with the number one cause of cancer: living long enough to get it.
That horrible Nationwide ad from the SuperBowl has nothing on us.
Just kidding! World Vets got him set up with vaccines and dewormers. He’s one of the lucky ones.
The cocoon of health
If you want to keep your pet from dying of cancer, get suspicious bumps checked out asap, don’t let your pet pick up smoking, and cross your fingers. Or kill them off early by letting them get so fat they develop diabetes or die of heat stroke the first warm summer day you try to go for a walk. I guess that works too.
Living as we do in a comfortable place with reliable access to medical care, we’ve forgotten about the realities of all-natural living, for us and for our pets. Measles. Polio. Rabies. Organic, GMO free viruses that will kill you.
Vaccine preventable diseases suck, which is why the vaccines were developed in the first place. They are far preferable to the disease itself, and if you say otherwise (some people have), I invite you to the streets of India where rabies kills lots of children, every day. 55,000 people a year worldwide-mostly children, and 20 MILLION dogs culled in an attempt to control it.
Pet food is a reliable and affordable way to feed pets for 95% of the population here in the States. If you want to cook for your pet, more power to you, but remember this: Even the gnarliest brand you can think of is better than starving, and if you say otherwise (some people have!) I invite you to Iquitos to decide which dogs are healthy enough to save and which we have to euthanize out of kindness.
Number of people who turned down free vaccines, vet care, and food in Granada: Zero, because they were sick of seeing dead dogs in the street. Pets finally living to ten years, the age at which cancer becomes the leading cause of death, is pretty priceless.
The Four Horsemen of the Dogpocalypse
The four horsemen of the apocalypse are, if I recall correctly, Vaccines, Pet Food, Rational Debate, and Veterinarians. Oh wait, I got that backwards. It’s Pestilence, Famine, War, and Death- the stuff the first four are trying to prevent.
How easily we forget that in our armchair indignation.
It’s been entirely too long since I’ve posted, and for that I apologize. I’ve been terribly busy
responding to nastygrams depositing my checks from Big Pet Food sneering at plebians going to a continuing education conference this past week, and what a week it was.
Like many of you, I read the Indy Star’s expose about the loose strings of pharmaceutical companies (or, in internet conspiracy parlance, Big Pharma) at continuing education conferences such as the one I was going to attend, and also like many of you, I was surprised. And excited. I had no idea this was what I had to look forward to! I thought I was just plunking down a couple grand in fees, airfare, and hotel for a measly week of polishing my science know-how, and here’s this whole seedy underbelly of riches I had no idea existed.
I arrived in Orlando for the North American Veterinary Community Conference with 16,000 of my closest friends energized, ready to be plied with jewels, cash, and cars. Kind of like The Price is Right, but with drugs.
In the past, I’ve wandered the exhibit hall for a breather in between talks, taking a peek at the new products on the market. Sometimes the companies would give us candy, or pens- enough to get us to stop by and familiarize ourselves with the product, but not enough to justify actually changing how we practice medicine. I would have done it anyway. Because becoming familiar with new products is, you know, what we’re supposed to do.
I wanted to start my day with one of the storied free food lectures, hoping to begin my morning with roasted pheasant and perhaps a fluffy souffle. Then I learned you had to get up at 6:30 and the most they could guarantee was that the food was “hot,” so I passed and had a Kind bar instead.
“All we need is cantaloupe and these vets won’t know what hit them.”
After a few am lectures about respiratory distress, where the speaker (and every other one at NAVC) carefully informed us about their financial ties- or lack thereof- to the topics of their talk, I hit the exhibit hall in search of fortune.
Somewhere past the forceps booth and to the left of the lasers, a long line started to snake through the aisles and out into the halls. Whatever they were giving away, that had to be good.
“Excuse me,” I said to the woman at the end of the line. “Is this where they’re handing out free cars?”
“No,” she said. “This line is for Build-a-Bear.”
“This huge line is for Build-a-Bear?” I asked somewhat incredulously. The three men in front of her turned around and to a one muttered something about little girls at home. It’s cool, guys. Everyone likes Build-a-Bear.
“Where’s the contest where everyone wins something?” I asked, and they directed me over to the east hall, where a bored looking woman instructed me to spin a ‘wheel of parasites.’ I won a chapstick with a picture of a tapeworm on it.
As I continued to wander, I heard some grumbling from around a corner, where four people were congregated around a woman clutching a big bag. “Where’d you get that?” they asked her, and she pointed to another long line snaking through the hall.
“Is that the jewelry line?” I asked.
“No,” they said. “This is for the stuffed Olaf.”
“Like Olaf from Frozen?” I asked.
“Yes,” a woman replied, “but you have to be careful. They’re really hard to get. You have to go through a screening process.”
“What sort of screening process?” I asked.
“No one knows,” she said. “All I know is that they keep turning people away who don’t own practices. I think they sell some sort of financial services. It might involve an application and a credit report.”
“I’ve tried three times for an Olaf,” said another woman. “They’re not very nice about it.”
“Isn’t Frozen kind of old news anyway?” I asked, but that was apparently not the right question to ask.
Dispirited, I walked into the booth of a large pharmaceutical company. “If I listen to your spiel,” I asked, “What do I get?”
“Information,” the rep said, pulling out a sheaf of papers.
“No car?” I asked, disappointed. “Or a trip somewhere?”
She dug into her pocket and pulled out some mints. “I have these,” she said, then brightened. “Or a pen! Do you want a pen?”
“I’m OK,” I said. “I think I just need something to drink.”
“They have coffee over by that pet food display,” she said. “I think the line’s down to 15 minutes.”
By this time, the line for the Build-a-Bear had disappeared, and in exchange for giving a journal my email address, I was presented with a small, naked bear.
“We’re having a contest tomorrow for some scrubs,” the booth person said.
“For me?” I asked. “Or the bear?’
“For the bear.”
After an hour or so of this, my tally of freebies was as follows:
-One naked bear
-A bedazzled lanyard
– 15 pens
-one urine container filled with yellow candy (this was actually my favorite)
“Why do you think these lines for all these freebies are so long, do you suppose?” I asked my friend Kristen. “Are we that hard up for stuff we’d wait for half an hour just for a chance to win a free ipad?”
“You’re veterinarians,” she said. “Of course you are.” Touche.
After a long day of lectures and wandering, I had worked up an appetite, so I set out in search of the free feasts. I searched every corner of the hotel, and couldn’t find a single one. I realized everyone must have gone to the free rock concert instead.
“Free concert?” I said, intrigued. Maybe there was some credence to this Indy Star thing after all! “Who’d they get? Dave Grohl? Bruno Mars?”
There was a long pause as my friend flipped through the conference brochure. “38 Special,” she said.
“38 Special?” I replied. “Are those guys still alive?”
“Apparently.” Pause. “My dad’s gonna be so jealous. He almost took a cruise with them last year.”
Hungry and alone, I went to my room at 10 pm and decided to order room service. After 15 minutes on hold, I placed an order for a Cobb salad and was told it would be an hour and a half, because shutting ourselves in our rooms alone with our papers is apparently a popular choice for veterinarians. I’m so predictable.
About one year after I graduated vet school, I took routine screening chest radiographs of my senior Golden, Mulan. I looked them over, frowning at a small, mottled spot near her sternum.
“She has cancer,” I thought. It’s not an unreasonable conclusion to come to with Golden Retrievers. Before I panicked, I asked my colleague to look at the x-ray, and she agreed it looked suspicious. I was devastated.
I took Mulan to the local specialty hospital, where an intern I knew from vet school patted me on the back while the resident internal medicine specialist pursed his lips sympathetically. He grabbed his ultrasound machine to prepare for a guided biopsy. Before starting, he asked the radiologist to stop by to give his thoughts as to what this strange radiographic feature might be.
“What are you looking at? That? That’s normal sternum,” he said, sipping his coffee with the mildest of eye rolls before strolling out of the now-silent room.
I knew just enough to be dangerous but not enough to actually come to the correct conclusion. Along the way I dragged two other very educated colleagues with me through sheer force of conviction. Mulan lived another 4 years, by the way.
Data and Interpretation
Lots of people have asked me about the controversial results from the Truth about Pet Food’s crowdsourced food safety study. I haven’t said anything, because I couldn’t think of anything to say. It’s the same response I have when people send me this picture over email and ask me what this lump is:
The correct answer is, “I need a lot more information before I can tell you that.” Which is about how I feel about the significance of this study.
As veterinary nutritionist Dr. Weeth points out in her excellent response, scientists kind of live to nitpick and poke holes in one another’s work. It’s necessary to allow criticism because there are so many ways one can go wrong with a project- from the way the study was designed, to the implementation, to the data interpretation. It was the persistent nagging of the science community that led to the eventual discrediting of Wakefield’s autism/vaccine research paper, the public health implications of which we are still dealing today, up to and including 19 people who were sickened with measles at The Happiest Place on Earth.
Without being allowed to evaluate the entire research process, we have no way of knowing how valid the results are. A pretty infographic does not science make. Nor does protesting “it’s not junk science” mean that it isn’t.
What We Know
I’m hopeful that the full set of data will be made public, including methodology. Until then, all we can do is go by what we have been told.
Dr. Gary Pusillo of INTI services, who has the misfortune of being out of the country while all of this debate is going down, was in charge of the testing process. Thixton writes that he is a board certified veterinary nutritionist, which in theory is fantastic because it means that he would have the background in both veterinary medicine and nutrition to not only perform the studies, but interpret the results. There’s only one problem: he’s not. (Nor does he in any way present himself as one, by the way.) A board certified veterinary nutritionist is a veterinarian who is also a diplomate of the American College of Veterinary Nutrition. You may think that’s irrelevant, it’s just semantics, but it’s not.
Credentials are a big deal, as I’m sure Dr. Pusillo himself would tell you were he around. I would really love for Dr. Pusillo and Dr. Purejav to have been available to answer questions while we’re all begging to know what the heck they did, and I’d love to hear more about how they determined “risk.” They may be the most qualified people in the world, but for right now, all I have is an infographic and a consumer advocate’s word that they’re the best.
Dr. Pusillo is a PhD who provides forensic science services, which actually sounds really cool and I would love to hear more about it. I have no reason to doubt that he is an excellent scientist. He probably knows tons and tons about how to test a food for specific substances. What he may or may not know is whether or not those substances matter clinically.
Data Collection vs. Interpretation
Let’s assume that the data collection was carried out perfectly. Data collection is only half of the equation- you still have to know what to do with it. You can have all the answers in front of you and still not know the question. The scientists Thixton contracted with are out of town at the moment, so who are we going to ask to help us interpret things?
Given who’s around right now, who could interpret the limited data we have through the filter of what matters?
A microbiologist with a background in food safety would be a good start, as someone who can tell you whether or not particular pathogens are actually of concern.
Or a board certified veterinary nutritionist, who can tell you about nutrient analyses and why dry matter comparisons without calorie content is useless. Both of them have some big reservations about this project.
They know more than I do about such things, which is why I defer to their interpretation. Little things mean a lot- for example, when you say “bacteria are present” what do you mean? Does that mean live bacteria were cultured using sterile handling procedures to eliminate environmental contamination? Or did the test just look for bacterial RNA, which could come from dead bacteria that were killed during processing and therefore prove that production works as advertised? I don’t know, but that would sure make a difference.
When the company you contract with to run your tests asks for their name to be dissociated from any press surrounding you, there’s one of two conclusions: 1. They were not happy about how their data was manipulated in the interpretation stage and didn’t want to be associated with bad science; 2. Big Pet Food Cabal. We may never know. *shrug*
A victory for food safety
I like to look at the bright side of things, and for reasons I can’t fathom, what I’ve found to be the biggest findings of the study are barely mentioned.
What are the three most common concerns I hear about pet food safety?
- pathogens of most dire human significance, specifically Salmonella and Campylobacter
- pentobarbital contamination (implying euthanized rendered carcasses in pet food.)
Why were these not mentioned in the risk report?
Because they weren’t found. They did look for all of these products. All twelve tested foods were clear of the three biggest worries in recent memory to pet food safety. That’s something, don’t you think?
I’m an optimist. Let’s look at the bright side of things, what do you say!
So let’s review here: I like asking questions. I have no problem questioning consumers, colleagues, my own professional leadership. I think concerned consumers are good consumers, and I applaud anyone who is invested enough to care about what goes into their pet, be it food, drug, or plant. I have chosen not to work in the employ of companies in the field specifically so I can feel free to say what I want without worry about my job or advertisers.
That being said, I think we also have to take the Occam’s razor approach to life and assume at some point that companies are telling the truth when they tell us they aren’t actively attempting to kill our pets. There are problems, some big and some small, and those are worthy of being addressed, but if you can’t accept at the end of the day that they are generally trying to do the right thing, then we may not ever be able to come to an understanding. As part of a profession that deals with this type of distrust on a regular basis, there comes a point where you have to say, “If you’re going to insist I’m out to harm you no matter what I say then I probably should just leave now.”
So let’s end on a high note: a toast, to those who care. I think everyone’s here arguing for that reason even if the conclusions are different. Salmonella free appetizers for all.
“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “otherwise you wouldn’t have come here.”
Every time I come across a “how to choose the best veterinary hospital” article, I read it, because it’s fascinating to me to see how different authors choose to guide you in this task. The articles exist, presumably, because not all hospitals are the same, therefore some are great and some, not so much. I think we can all agree this is probably the case. It’s like dating- lots of choices, but not all are a match.
Of course, the recommendations are pretty disparate, depending on how you define “good hospital.” Are you the holistic vet, the guy who’s dedicated his career to evidence based medicine and refutes anything without a journal article to back it up, the disgruntled owner who’s displeased with one bad experience and parlayed it into a major website, or the practice owner who’s looking to attract new clients? They all have different ideas of what makes a “good clinic,” to the point that one person’s perfect place is another person’s house of quacks and vice versa.
We’ve all had those “what are you smoking?” moments.
It’s good to know what your needs are, and good to know what a clinic provides. A client/vet mismatch is unpleasant for everyone. Like that girl in college who insisted that her jerk of a boyfriend who left his dirty socks in your living room was just misunderstood and refused to believe the stories of his drunken overtures to every girl on the dorm floor, some poor souls really have a hard time believing that most people just don’t change simply because you want them to.
Yes, we all know at least one vet who had a major epiphany mid-career and did a complete 180, but most don’t. And if you know one who did, it’s probably not due to you and the article you clipped out of a dog magazine you picked up at Whole Foods. I’ll be happy to look at it- heck, I probably already read it myself, I love Whole Foods- but please don’t be disappointed that I don’t change my entire medical perspective based on our 30 minute visit.
You’re paying me to give you my opinion, but if you don’t like it, well, we have decisions to make. While I’m happy to discuss my approach and how we might adjust it to your needs, it’s unlikely I’m going to completely change my medical perspective, because, well, I’m old enough now to be at least a little set in my ways. They’ve worked out pretty well for me. And if that thing I’m not into is that important to you, rather than getting really irritated with me for not changing, it’s probably easier for everyone if you cut your losses and find someone who’s a better match.
I like to make people happy. I will do everything I reasonably can to accommodate that. But at the end of the day, sometimes you and I- we just aren’t meant to be. And that’s OK. No matter what you’re into, from crystals and aromatherapy to a $30,000 kidney transplant assisted by a human nephrologist, there’s someone who can provide what you want.
Your Compatibility Score
There’s no match.com for vets (though hey, what an idea! who wants to help me develop that?) so you’re on your own for screening your vet for a potential match. You’re going to have to figure out your top couple of priorities and go from there. Here’s some things to consider:
- If you want an office open until 8 at night every day because you work, don’t go to a solo doctor office.
- If you want to see the same vet every time, don’t go to a huge office with enough staff to be open every day until 8 at night.
- If you harbor some deep down issue with blondes/men with mustaches/people with tattoos/some other random thing, don’t go to that vet out of some weird sense of guilt. They’d probably prefer you didn’t anyway. Life’s too short to spend it explaining to a relative stranger why you don’t like them. I can tell when someone doesn’t like me. I’ll survive.
- If you want a holistic vet, go to AHVMA and find one. Acupuncture is becoming very common, and a lot of places that practice mostly western medicine offer it, but if you want homeopathy or chiropractic, you’re going to have to look a little more. Most vets offer western medicine because that’s what most vet schools teach, that’s all.
- If you want a place with the best prices in town, don’t be mad when the doctor won’t answer your midnight emergency. If you want a doctor to answer your midnight emergency, don’t be mad when they don’t have the best prices in town. Same goes for fancy stuff like lasers and endoscopy.
Nobody likes to be frustrated.
If you ask me about Chinese herbs, I will tell you honestly I don’t know anything about them. You can go with what I do know, or I can help you find the guy down the street who studied them (I have one doctor in mind, and he’s great.) Forcing me to prescribe those unfamiliar drugs for you is not an option.
So here’s my one sole bit of advice for how to pick the best veterinary hospital:
Find the vet who’s already your own special brand of crazy, whatever that is.
“You are old, Father William,” the young man said,
“And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head—
Do you think, at your age, it is right?”
“In my youth,” Father William replied to his son,
“I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I’m perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.”
After a decade trying to be all things to all clients, I have finally embraced my own brand of crazy. While I am not your doc for orthopedic surgeries, just the other day I wore a client’s bathrobe and smeared cat food on my hands to help a nervous cat feel more comfortable. If I’m not that one for you, let’s break up so you can find your One True Vet Love.
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
On the tenth day of clinics, my clients brought to me:
9 beggars prancing
8 screws a-stabilizing
7 mites a-swimming
6 Old Souls Graying
5 Moldy Rings!
4 Gastric Grommets
3 Dead Pens
2 Blown Up Gloves
And a linear Foreign Body!
My boarders gave to me:
Hold on! That’s eight? Where’s number nine?
Hamming it up by the ham, of course.
8 screws a-stabilizing
7 mites a-swimming
6 Old Souls Graying
5 Moldy Rings!
4 Gastric Grommets
3 Dead Pens
2 Blown Up Gloves
And a linear Foreign Body!
After the fifth time someone forwarded me “The Shocking Truth Your Vet Is Hiding” type articles in the past week, I had to take a stop from my scheduled 12 Days of Clinics to address it. I debated on a few clickbait titles for this post:
alt: “Why Magazines are Getting Away With Murder”
alt: “The Shocking Truth These Publishers Are Hiding”
It doesn’t really matter what the title is or if it related to the content anyway, but I imagine you already know that. But let’s step back a moment, and go back for a breath to 2011.
The most singularly amazing experience of my life took place in a forest in Tanzania. I had waited my whole life to visit the chimpanzees of Mahale, an experience I had anticipated with baited breath. Good, gentle, kind chimps.
And this is what I actually learned: chimps can be asses. Petty, sneaky, grumpy asses. Most everyone kind of knew that, though, right? They’re allowed bad days just like everyone else.
But I learned something else, which was also an eye opener not only for me but for the rest of the people there, for researchers who have spent their whole careers in the M community (by convention these communities are all lettered). Chimps, under pressure, can be vindictive.
The events I witnessed in my time, a Machiavellian soap opera of alliance forming, led to the never before witnessed assassination of the alpha chimp by his own community, an event so unexpected and rare it was written up in multiple journals. Pimu was a jerk, no doubt about it. He ruled with an iron fist. But no one expected the other males in his own community to kill him.
I was there. I saw it. I saw the way the pot-stirring chimp, third in line from the top, systematically groomed all the other males in the group, waiting for just the right moment to take advantage of their fears and frustrations with Pimu. Then- triggered by some small infraction that in other circumstances would have passed without comment, he lit off the powderkeg that resulted in an alpha getting his head smashed in by a rock.
The instigator didn’t even have to get his hands dirty. He was the Petyr Baelish of Mahale, climbing the ladder of the chaos he sowed.
The argument can be made that we are hard-wired for a black and white view of the world, to see people as friend or foe, with us or against us. Once someone’s a foe, there is nothing valuable, worthy, or meaningful in anything they say or do, ever, marinating in their evil fortress of pain or whatever it is enemies do.
It takes work to suppress that natural inclination and try to genuinely understand the actual truth of things- that most people, even those on the other side of the fence, usually have good intentions and may actually have a point about some things. But you can’t start a conversation when the guns are firing.
There’s always one person who benefits when two factions are fighting, and it’s rarely the ones out there actually getting bloodied.
Skull Smashing in Modern Veterinary Medicine
I am part of the V community of pet lovers: the veterinarians. This informs how I view the world and my place in it: as a pet lover, trusted advisor, someone who cares enough about the health of our companions that I chose this as my life’s work. I believe in the value of our work and our research and use that to make recommendations for my clients.
I am also part of the larger O community of pet lovers: the owners. I understand knowledge evolves. I attend hundreds of hours of continuing education, became certified in acupuncture, and I’m not afraid to change my advice based on evolving knowledge. I came out the gates of vet school ready to challenge old assumptions about vaccines, pain management, and nutrition, and over the last decade we have changed the way we practice medicine as a community.
I kind of assumed it was ok to be on both teams. So do you understand why it drives so many of us crazy to see this sort of thing?
These are Dogs Naturally Magazine’s most popular articles. Half the time the articles don’t even really correlate with the tone of the headline, but the damage is done. Clickbait is the equivalent of the pot stirring chimp sticking a rock in your hand and then shrugging and saying, “What? I didn’t tell you to hit anyone with it.”
I promise I never once looked a dog straight in the face with maniacal glee as I prime a syringe in front of their face, imagining the piles of money I get to roll in after work after wiping the blood of a thousand sickened pets of the floor with the research showing all these medications I recommend are actually totally unnecessary.
I’m not holding the V community blameless here. I understand there are vets who dig in their heels and refuse to admit that you have a valid interest in researching things and asking questions. There are those who look at everyone with a concern about DOI studies like this:
And they really wish you would just stop looking things up and just do what they tell you, no questions asked.
But that’s not most of us. If these types of publications (I’m picking on Dogs Naturally but that’s only because they’ve published about 10 pieces like this in the last month) really cared about the overall wellbeing of pets, they would be advocating for better ways to communicate with your veterinarian instead of just telling you we all want to kill your dog with Drano injections, euthanized horsemeat kibble and drugs we are prescribing solely because we were given a free pen, so you should just stay home and feed them coconut oil and canned pumpkin and whatever else their advertisers are selling you.
(I aced “Making Little Kids Cry in Terror”, which I took the same semester as “Why Sick Pets are Better for Business than Healthy Ones so Make Sure To Keep them Sick Through Recommended Shots and Foods.”)
So yes I’m irritated, not because the content in articles like “Why Vets Are Getting Away With Murder” has no merit despite the misleading headline, but because those clickbait pieces really just serve themselves. Information is good. Using it to sow discontent instead of discourse? Not so much.
Communication, not Coconut Oil: The True Key to Health
Concerns about vaccinations, sarcomas, immune system function, and nutrition are all perfectly valid. This should be able to be part of a discussion with a good veterinarian without bloodshed or Yelp. You are all smart people. A nice, polite, rational approach to collaboration may not sell magazines, but it does create better outcomes. I will talk to you about anything, even coconut oil, delayed neutering, titers, and raw food.
I understand the difference between your pet and the community as a whole, and if you ask why we have the recommendations we do, I’d be happy to go into all the boring public health theory and discussion of cell mediated immunity and why titers don’t prove definitive immunity and all those other things a drug rep with a burrito did not teach me in a one week course. This is communication, and it’s what two people who don’t want to kill each other do.
The Truth I Don’t Want You To Know
Is there one? I don’t know, maybe this:
- the times I went home crying because I couldn’t save a pet.
- The times I vomited in the parking lot because of the stress of the day or the person who threatened my receptionist with a gun.
- The fact that on some days, I said to myself had I known the physical and emotional cost of this job, I might have chosen a different path. Especially on the days people tell me I’m only doing it for the money, or the glory, or the free pens.
- I understand there are crummy vets out there. There are crummy whatever it is you do for a living, too. Just try not to be one of them.
You know what I’d really be doing if I was in this for the money? Looking for a pet with a genetic problem to exploit for fame and fortune. Alas.
I find it ironic that people are willing to believe, without question, the word of a person selling magazines, conference tickets and, I assume, advertising, and that this is done solely out of their benevolent desire to tell you the truth about the crapfest that is my profession and nothing else. There’s no room for nuanced discussion and benefit of the doubt when you’re trying to grow a brand in a world that thrives on conflict. I’d have a much larger site if I were willing to throw a few thousand colleagues under the bus for fun and clicks, but sadly, I’m plum out of rocks today.
You and I want the same thing, long and happy life for your pet. Bananas for everyone.
My clients brought to me:
5 Moldy Rings!
4 Gastric Grommets
3 Dead Pens
2 Blown Up Gloves
And a linear Foreign Body!
On the fifth day of clinics, my ref lab sent to me:
4 Gastric grommets
3 Dead Pens
2 Blown up Gloves
And a linear Foreign Body!
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