The Usual Suspects

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Law Enforcement Incident Report

Date: 03/26/2010    Time Printed: 0715    Incident Number: 012345


Incident Type:     HOMICIDE

Address of Occurence: DR V’S YARD

Weapon Used: TEETH

Domestic: YES



DOB: 08/26



Name: DOE, J

Species: UNK

Sex: UNK

Age: UNK


Name: V, BRODY


DOB: 05/27/2009

Sex: M

Physical Description: Age: 10 mos weight: 65 lb color: gold



0700: Call to police from homeowner reporting incident involving unruly teen. She let him out to go potty, and noticed suspect taking an unusally long time to come back in. When she called him, he came running up holding what she thought was a rope. Complainant soon realized it was a large tail and a foot hanging from suspect’s mouth. Commanded suspect to “Drop it” and, per complainant, “he just sat there rolling his tongue around and tasting it.” Suspect eventually dropped the victim after escalating threats.

Victim consists of a tail, a hemipelvis, and a leg, approximately 7 inches long, gray/brown, and disgusting. Possible ROUS. Complainant did not witness attack and cannot confirm if suspect had accomplices such as an owl or hawk. Suspect released to owner on own recognizance for decontamination, and victim was buried under a bush.

1300: Police called back to home. Suspect was let out into yard and after 5 minutes dug up the remains and was again running around the yard tasting it. Complainant requests police support so she does not commit a crime herself.

Victim was transferred by hazmat to wildlife preserve/open space 1 mile away and deposited in creekbed. Suspect was transferred to maximum security living room and “No Lick Lockdown” for 24 hour observation.

Filed: Blog, Picks of the Litter Tagged: , ,
  • five stars for dr v, three for originality and creativity of post, two for princess bride reference.
    one very stern “bad dog!” for brody. (although not necessarily for the original crime, rather for reclaiming the booty of said crime.)

  • rachel

    haha i love everything about this post! esp. The Princess Bride reference, “Teeticular Manslaughter”, and the fact that you had to bury the victim a mile away so that Brody wouldn’t exhume him.

  • crazy weinerdog lady

    “No Lick Lockdown” lol I know allllll about those! If I catch Leo eating cat crunchies out of the flower bed he gets a treat-bone covered in peanut butter, a big bowl of water, a tooth brushing and “no lick lockdown” for 24 hours LMAO. You killed me with this post. Oh and ROUS FTW!

  • wikith

    After the big snows here melted, they exposed some kitty cat remains. Puzzle was veeeeery interested, but the perk of not having a yard is he was on a leash so I was able to chuck it across the creek with a stick.
    The glories of dog ownership.

  • Chile

    Uh…somebody may need to be sent away to military school… heh heh

    🙂 Heeeeelairous!

  • Tonya

    Ugh! No kisses for Brody, that’s for sure! This post was hilarious! 🙂

  • The Princess Bride, my favorite movie.
    Pawcurious, my new favorite blog.

  • Kim

    Wow. It is a real shame that he has started on this path of crime and at such a young age. Kids these days!

  • Oh. Dear. Juvenile delinquent!

    Sounds awfully familiar, unfortunately… 🙂

  • Moira

    LOL! ;-))

  • the ROUS was obviously trespassing, I say it’s justifiable.

  • Lisa W

    OMG, too hilarious! I plead for leniency on the grounds of extreme cuteness, your honor.

    • We agree! Cuteness counts. besides, the ROUS probably deserved to d-i-eeee.

  • Awesome! Doesn’t get too much more creative than this.

    When are visiting hours? 😉

  • I think I’m with Susan, it’s like when food falls on the ground, it’s theirs. If the ROUS trespassed, it was open game. Brody had to defend his turf and possibly the entire herd, umm, err, pack.

    I don’t think this is an open and shut case.

  • In fact, I think I am on a campaign.


    Who’s with me?!

    Psst, Brode, I’ll send a nail file in the dog biscuits, shhhhh!

    • I have my Free Brody shirt and quippy protest sign at the ready! 😉


  • Georgia Jewel

    You’ve outdone yourself with this one, Doc! Bravo!

  • Pikachu

    Free Brody , Free Brody , LOL Dr V you have done it again. I am laughing so my stomach hurts LOL Get the disinfectatnt get the iodine ..LOLOL You have a wonderful gift of narration.:-)
    I feel your pain though. My black lab I had ( since passed ) got a hold of a rat and wouldnt let go of it . Its little legs and tail would dangle out of Jacks mouth taunting me . He carried it around for 2 weeks by the end it was pretty gross just fur and bones . I couldnt get it from him. I tried to snatch it when he would eat but he would guard it between his feet . I did manage to snatch it once ( Hazmat suit ) and bury it , but like your intrepid perpetrator , he dug it up again. I finally managed to get it ( second Hazmat suit ) and throw it in the burn bin. Jack was decontaminated and resumed his licking duties LOL
    Free Brody ..LOL

  • He looks so innocent in his mug shot! It’s always the kids you least suspect.

  • Grody Brody strikes again! Wow, that is just amazing what he finds… ugh. really? he was “rolling his tongue around and tasting it???” Gross!!

  • lawgeekgurl

    not no lick lockdown! Does Brody have counsel? I could see filing a writ of mandamus to challenge the constitutionality of this cruel & unusual punishment! 🙂

  • Priscilla

    #1. It was delicious.
    #2. I hope he had adequate representation.
    #3. It sounds like entrapment.

  • Beware the lips. Our dogs think it is oh-so-funny to kiss us after enjoying voles of unusual size. I frequently scream such things as, “Kissed me with vole lips!”

  • Shannon

    Ewww…Daisy did this with a mole once. That’s grody, Brody. :p

  • EWWWWW R.O.U.S!! What do you think it was? A rat? A possum? Spring tends to dredge up the most unpleasant things.

    • I bet it was a possum. Too big to be a rat (I sincerely hope, anyway)

  • Sarah

    There is a self-serve dog wash in Boston that knows my Milo as the “one who dug up the carp.” One fine spring weekend last year over 25 different dogs came in for the de-skunk supreme bath after Milo dug up a decomposing fish from the melting pond in the dog park near our our house, raced gleefully towards me with it, until, about 25 feet away (approximately the distance at which we we realized that dangly silver thing in his mouth was, in fact, an enormous dead fish) he dropped it, and proceeded to roll in it. Face first. I eventually dragged him away but didn’t have the gumption to re-bury it….sorry, other dog owners! you’re welcome, laundromutt!

    • Ooooh…..eeeeeeeew!! LOL. That dogwash must love you bringing all that business! 😀

  • Chau Randall

    You’re no fun dog owner! Free Broody indeed 🙂 I foresee many repeated offend Dr. V

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