Once upon a time, a man brought his dog into the veterinary clinic for a routine procedure. While under anesthesia, the dog died, probably due to negligence. The veterinarian called the owner, left a cruel message, threatened him to pay the bill anyway, then refused to return the body. She was callous, indifferent, and verbally abusive, and didn’t even care what happened to the much beloved pet.
Naturally, the man was tremendously upset, so he called the local media outlets and told them the story, which they shared on the evening news. The office spent several weeks dealing with the fallout, lost clients, and the veterinarian spent the next year and a half in court. Serves her right, right?
It would, maybe, if any of that happened that way. It didn’t.
How do I know? I was that veterinarian.
People Can Say Anything They Want
This is something I’ve never shared, because the whole incident was so incredibly painful- it took me two years to even be able to talk about it without choking up. It was before social media took off, and I can only imagine what it would have been like to have not only our city, but the whole world chiming in. Good people have been pushed beyond their mental limit and died because of these sorts of events, and it’s beyond heartbreaking. So I’m sharing today in the hopes that perhaps it will persuade even one person to wait before you berate (just made that up! Ta da!)
In that first paragraph, the only sentence that I don’t dispute is the very first one. The rest: I beg to differ, strongly. I learned some really painful lessons during that experience many years ago:
- People can say anything they want. Anything. The more upsetting the ‘facts’ become, the more attention the media pays to you. They don’t worry about checking the veracity of those facts, because 1. No one will hold the news liable anyway and 2. The truth often makes it hard to stir up enough flames.
- People don’t hesitate to perjure themselves in court. We’re talking completely made up stories. Again, what’s the worst that could happen? Maybe they will lose the case, maybe not. It’s worth a shot.
- When you are the subject of this type of pitchfork mentality in mass media, it’s almost a 100% guarantee that trying to defend yourself will only make the situation worse. The vast majority of the time, the best thing to do is curl up in a ball and wait for it to pass. This also means many people will take this silence for admission of guilt, which it is most certainly not. There is no good way to get through it other than time (+/- therapy, vodka, etc.)
In my case, I had to fight these allegations for almost two years before getting in front of a judge who asked for actual evidence and, finding none, dismissed them. I won the case but lost something far more valuable: my love for the work. I cannot overemphasize the effect this had on my relationship with my clients, who were of course mostly amazing people and didn’t deserve my suspicion. People often speak of the trust they need to feel with their veterinarians (and rightly so), but no one speaks of the trust medical professionals need to feel with their clients:
- That you will be honest in the part you play in a pet’s health;
- That you believe we are there because we want to help, above anything else;
- That you will speak to us like adults before going to social media every time something bad happens.
That experience was not the only reason I left general practice, but it sure played a big part. Practicing under a culture of fear is no way to love what you do. I can’t tell you how many of my colleagues have one bad appointment, someone who wanted something for free or decided to be verbally abusive to staff then asked to leave, who then spend the next several days gnawed with anxiety waiting for the inevitable terrible review- which as small businesses, many clinics rely on for new clients.
Those are annoying, but it comes with the territory. Most of us know by now to ignore the random 1 star outlier review. The problem comes when someone with a flair for storytelling and a platform decides to take it further. When something gains traction on social media, it’s not uncommon for a 4.9 star business to go to 2.2 in 24 hours, solely based on reviews from people who have never even been there. It can take many hours of work and dealing with the review companies to undo the damage.
There’s two reasons I bring this up:
- There is currently a firestorm I’ve seen online with a veterinarian under fire for a situation involving a stray cat. The particulars don’t really matter, because it was a different place last week and will be a different place next week. Trust me, when I read some of these stories my eyebrows raise as well. They can sound terrible. But are the facts real? Again, you have no idea. None. I speak to many of my colleagues who go through this and, unsurprisingly, their stories often paint a very different view of what happened.
- A blogger was recently ordered to pay one million dollars to her wedding photographer, who lost her business over this blogger’s false accusations about a $125 item on her wedding album. Sure, the photographer “won”, but again- she lost her business. It is still a huge loss. While everyone has a right to share an opinion of their experience in online reviews, the people who resort to deliberate lies and efforts to ruin a business may finally be asked to deal with the repurcussion.
WAIT before you BERATE
As a consumer of online media and a lover of animals (which I assume you are if you are reading this blog, and thank you for that by the way), there are three things I would ask of you as a decent human and citizen of the world:
- When you hear a story about a veterinarian (or photographer, or teacher, or whatever) doing some terrible, awful, no-good thing, just wait a beat before running to leave terrible reviews, calling the business to abuse the hapless staff, threatening their mother in the grocery store. I get the rush of anger you might feel, and perhaps it is justified. Perhaps it is not. Express your opinion to your Facebook friends, try and see if you can figure out the other side, but jumping into a mob that has real and long-term effects on the subject’s life, ability to earn a living, and mental health without being damn sure it’s deserved is a terrible thing to do.
- There are many genuine instances of a less than stellar experience, which I completely understand. If you feel your veterinarian has done something wrong, give them a chance to make it right before jumping to the reviews. At worst, you gave them the benefit of the doubt before leaving an honest review. At best, you’ve brought a deficiency to their attention (a long wait indicating they are understaffed, an employee who needs communication training) and perhaps strengthened your bond with them. If the person answering the phones is rude to you, we want to know! Thank you for that and for the chance to fix it. Truly.
- If you love your vet (or eyebrow waxer, or local gyros joint) take five seconds to leave a good review. They matter, especially on those especially bad days.
We all deal with enough garbage that happens right in front of our faces, there’s no need to race off to battles on other fronts that we have no role in. Life’s short. Be kind. Do good. The rest is noise.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had a dog die during surgery myself and I didn’t blame the veterinarians.
I also wanted to tell you how much some of your blog entries have helped me recently following the loss (close together) of a dearly loved cat and dog (both old and ill). Several of your posts kept me off the ledge, so to speak. Your writing is wonderful.
Thank you so much for that! I am so sorry for your losses. I can’t speak for your veterinarian of course, but if she is anything like all the colleagues I have known, the weight of that loss is still with her today. It never goes away.
So sorry this happened to you. Anesthetic deaths happen to all of us. I still remember the phone call to the client for my first one. & they never get easier. All we can do is our best in that moment. Even though that sounds pretty trite.
I guess it might sound trite at the time but from a vantage point, it is absolutely true. When all of this happened I didn’t have the support systems available that we do now, and simply hearing that may have made a big difference.
I am curious to hear the author’s side of the story in this case as the details were not mentioned. A miscommunication is always behind situations like this – it would help the strength of this peice of writing, the clients and the vets reading it, if the author could “necropsy” the event and pinpoint where the miscommunication happened that lead to a full blown hostile situation.
I appreciate where you are coming from on this. I think our reactions to adverse events in a clinic environment are absolutely a topic worth discussing in a future post. There is much I wish I could have changed about the communication aspect in retrospect; however, the point of this piece was not so much as the series of events that led to the media involvement as what happened once the cameras turned on.
In fact, I point out that as medical professionals our hands are often tied in terms of laying out all the nitty gritty of events at the hospital; MDs are bound by privacy laws, and we DVMs are strongly encouraged, if not legally mandated, to do the same. My choice to be somewhat vague on the specifics is deliberate, because believe it or not, no matter how frustrating the experience was for me personally and professionally, I still believe such specifics are best left to in person discussions, and judgment for the courts.
This topic does terrify me, as a vet hoping to start my own business as either a mobile vet or in my own clinic (if the golden opportunity ever arises). When emotions are this strong and the inevitable barriers of medical understanding and financial constraints complicate matters, there are almost always going to be problems. I went through a traumatising experience last year due to my own trust of a client and also due to a bit of inexperience with the legal system – I had a dog with dystocia where the owner put down a small deposit for the initial agreed treatment and stabilisation, then unfortunately was allowed to leave the building (under the premise that he was returning right away). I was left with duty of care of an animal that needed surgery, an owner who refused to pay for the surgery and who also refused to pick the dog up to take elsewhere, bosses who refused to allow me to do the surgery due to lack of payment and a refusal by the animal welfare society to intervene! I was left alone in the clinic after closing, still dealing with that case, with no staff to help and my hands completely tied (and copping a lot of abuse by phone). Obviously I have since learnt my lesson to hopefully avoid ever being in this situation again, which is why as vets we often look like monsters when it comes down to pay now vs euth. Maybe you can’t relate to this situation since it looks like your issue was completely outside of your control, and you would know better than to find yourself in my situation, but I can certainly understand the stress, so maybe my colossal stuff-up will help you feel better.
As a side-note, thank you for being an inspiration in terms of diversifying to running an online digital media company, becoming an author, etc. Before I found your site I embarked down the path of doing the same for myself. I see you as a “Level 50 me”, where I hope to be. It is equal parts encouraging and terrifying to see someone who’s done it before (because you know it can be done, but what if you can’t do it as well?). For vets though I think feeling trapped and limited in transferable skill-set compared is a big risk factor contributing to the high suicide rate so it is good to see examples of alternative ways to earn an income with our knowledge outside of traditional practice (or industry, or research).
Sometimes- most times, I’d argue- these issues are not the result of one decision but a series of small ones that add up to a huge mess. This happens whether you’re talking about a pet in a clinic or a custom dress order gone wrong, though because the stakes are so much higher when a pet’s life is involved we tend to bear the brunt of these social media storms more often than others.
“Obviously I have since learnt my lesson to hopefully avoid ever being in this situation again”- that’s the real take home, right? At the end of the day, that is really sometimes all one can do.
Thank you for this thought-provoking piece. I had just had a social media experience this morning that left me thinking that when people think positive thoughts, they do so quietly to themselves, but when they think negative ones, they far too often vent them publicly with sarcasm, defeating the possibility of something positive coming out of it. I am so sorry for your experience, as I’m sure your heart was heavy from the experience even before it fell in the hands of mob mentality, which then took it to an even darker place. Your piece was a great reminder that all things we hear and read should be taken as only one side of a story, and not be too quick to believe everything just because it was in print, on tv, or especially on-line. i feel fortunate to have found your blog and continue to learn from your experiences, so Thank You.
Regarding the stray cat story you mentioned above that happened recently, the cat was killed. How is that vet going to make that right?
It appears that the vet’s reported conversation with animal control was different than the conversation that animal control reported to the client.
People need to face consequences for their actions. If the client is guilty, then the consequences fall on them. If the vet/vet hospital is guilty, likewise.
We live in a media filled world today and professionals (and the rest of us need to be aware of that). Pulling out the suicide card is stretching it. Sadly, having known people that have taken their own lives, there is usually more going on.
Again, you’ve only heard one side of the story. I have sat in a courtroom and listened to not one but three people under oath report hearing a conversation that didn’t happen. I had to go dig up phone records to prove the call never took place. People who are upset or stressed do things I can’t always understand, and while I have compassion for anyone who is grieving, I also know all too well that things are not always as they seem.
I don’t know what happened in this situation, and neither do you. The clinic reports a very different conversation with animal control. Judgment is not for you or me. This is why we have a court system and a medical board, with an impartial third party whose role it is to look at the evidence and protect the consumer. Should the situation have played out exactly the way this person is describing it, the consequences will fall to those bodies to decide.
Thanks for having the courage to share this. This is a huge problem for all businesses right now, and this article really hits close to home for me as a veterinarian. People are so gung-ho to “take someone down” when they feel they’ve been wronged in any way. They do not take the time to think of the consequences of their negative post or sparking an angry mob to attack a business or individual online. I love the catch phrase, I hope it catches on!! Wait before you berate!!
On the other hand, what recourse is there for a client who has lost a pet due to an on-call veterinarian refusing to see their seizing dog at 11pm? What excuse for such callous treatment is even possible? As healthcare professional ourselves, we anticipated a standard of care and were shocked. The Veterinary board response was weak. A warning to others was warranted, but I agree that those without direct experience should refrain from piling on.
That’s a tough question. Obviously you pursued the correct pathway and the resolution was not to your satisfaction (though it’s been my observation that in most cases when a third party is involved neither party feels totally vindicated, so I can’t say I’m entirely surprised.) The truth is often murky, nuanced, and ugly, and in the big picture there are often things that could or should have been done differently, though what that means moving forward is always the big “what if.” I’m so sorry you had what sounds like a traumatic experience in an emergency situation.
I am well advanced in years and have no idea how I grew up without the technological world we live in today. That being said I both love it and hate it. I hate it for the fact that people hide behind a keyboard and say whatever comes into their head which unfortunately too many times is striking out at another human being or profession or business. They are not interested in the truth or the facts and often don’t even read past the headline before jumping in with hateful hurtful comments. Let’s face it, Veterinarians operate the same as doctors. You just don’t have a magical diagnosis and know instantly what is wrong with a pet. I had to put my sweet boy to sleep last week. He had been trying to tell me for weeks that he was in pain and the vet and I both missed it. I do not for one moment blame our vet. He is one of the most compassionate, caring, professional people I know (as is his whole team). They not only looked after my Harley but his mom too and I will be forever grateful to them. We could all take lessons from animals. They see only the good in everyone.
Hi Marg, thank you for your comments and your support. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Harley. <3 <3
People feel entitled to rip any service provider over anything. We see it daily, which is why for every negative review, we try and get 10-20-30 new good ones. We’re people, we make mistakes, so when a customer’s pet does not eat or has a scratch from playing with other dogs, we apologize and try to put in perspective. The fact is that no dog in our care will ever tell us why they did what they did, so are “bad, horrible %#$@ people” because their babycakes would NEVER, EVER, do this in their care. So what do you do when you get the bad review? Ask for forgiveness, beg for it, refund their money (build a collection of $$$ for the what-ifs each month) and again, apologize about the outcome. You can have 1000 good days/nights of services only to have that one or 2 clients that rip you a new one on Google, FB and Yelp. Forget trying to get Google or FB to remove the negative comments, anyone from anywhere can post on either system. Yelp’s system is better, but still not what businesses need. But we need all of them for our online advertising. So work on getting a truckload of good reviews for each bad one, its going to happen.
That is excellent advice, Jack!
I am very sorry for what happened to you. That said, I’m not sure how anyone can defend or excuse the vet who shot that pet cat with a bow and arrow (who would even think of doing that?), posted photos of it on Facebook while grinning and dangling the body of the cat, and bragged about doing it. I would no more let that woman anywhere near any of my pets than I would a poisonous snake. And I’m not sure what anyone could say to excuse her, someone who supposedly pledged her life and skills to helping animals.
I agree Stephanie, that was a horrible thing. I applaud the state board for taking decisive action.
Had a great experience with takeout at a local restaurant last night. You inspired me to leave a glowing review!
(We got takeout last night at 8 pm. Got home and it was awesome! But the real reason to write the review is some above-and-beyond service. I walked in and ordered. Our order came up very fast and I was back in the car. As I prepared to drive away the hostess came running out and asked if she could replace the salad in our order for a fresh one. A few minutes later, we had our salad and we were on our way. I’ve gotten poor quality takeout once in a while from various places — but I have never had someone *come to the car *to replace something that they determined was not up to their standard before we even noticed.)
Lately I’ve read a lot of posts by veterinarians lamenting the ill treatment and disrespect they’ve been subjected to by their clients. I find it curious that these posts come at a time when I seriously started doubting the motives young veterinarians in general. As the daughter of breeders of award winning Andalusians and GSDs and a hobby breeder of Australian Shepherds I’ve interacted with veterinarians for most of the 50+ years of my life, both in Europe and the USA. While there were some veterinarians I didn’t see eye to eye with and some who seemed to always push for that extra test to pad the bill I have never doubted their devotion to their patients. I can’t imagine any of them answering an after hour emergency call about a barely conscious dog (HBC) with “Are you sure it can’t wait until morning? It takes me an hour to get to the clinic and I was just about to go to bed.” Unthinkable that one would’ve let a dazed, bleeding dog with a dangling forelimb, who had been stomped by a cow, wait for treatment until their kid’s ballgame was over.
Until recently the protocol for non life threatening emergencies was to come in and wait until someone could work you in. Now you have to drop the animal off and wait for them to call you. That’s NOT about what’s best for the animal, it’s all about the convenience of the veterinarians and their staff. The difference between my main veterinarian who still does a lot of farm animals and the young vets at the small animal only clinic in the big town is significant. The former uses a common sense approach, asks a lot of questions and explains our options. I’ve been a client for 20 years and have NEVER seen him request bloodwork or procedures he didn’t feel justified. He leaves it up to his clients to decide if they want bloodwork done to rule out something highly unlikely. Not so the young veterinarians at the other clinic. They always want full blood panels to rule out everything regardless of how unlikely the possibility. Ditto for X-rays, fecals or whatever else they have available. The one thing they have mastered is making most clients feel awful for questioning all the tests and the expense.
I utterly trust and respect my regular vet and I sing his praises to everyone. Not so the others who seem incompetent and insecure in comparison and certainly more concerned about their convenience than the well being of their patients.