Things that strike terror into my heart

You all remember the Great Apple the Hamster Switcheroo I mentioned last week, right? It all went down at the home of the resident kindergarten rabble-rouser, a sweet yet entirely Tasmanian Devil-esque bundle of unrestrained kid energy. Let’s call him Harold, just because.

If you asked me in December who would win the “Most Likely to Accidentally Lose or Otherwise Injure a Small Animal” award I would have picked Harold. He just has that “Ohwowlookabugcoolcheckitout*SQUISH*ohwhoopshahah” sort of vibe going on. This is also the child who, when making a Thanksgiving cornucopia collage of favorite holiday foods, cut out pictures of multiple domestic beers to fill his horn of plenty. (The teacher loved that one.)

So to review:

1. Poor track record with small creatures.

2. Regularly draws pictures of Tyrannosaurs messily devouring people.

3. Parent attended recent Sea World trip. (see yesterday’s post)

MaltipupWith this in mind, imagine my response this morning to seeing Harold running towards the school through the parking lot as if he were Joe Namath, dodging cars and buses while his father chased behind, holding under his arms a small, fluffy football.

It looked just like this.

“Oh, hey, Harold,” I said nervously while he grinned at me. I asked hopefully, “Are you house-sitting that puppy for someone?”

“NO!” he said gleefully. “This is MY NEW PUPPY!” Holding the little dear up like Rafiki anointing Simba in the Lion King, the kindergartners kindly obliged in paying homage.

Not much I can do, other than watch, talk, and pray.

I did talk to the teacher about having a “Pet Appreciation Week” where I talk about the importance of taking good care of your pets and how to handle and approach various animals, and she was receptive.

I had planned on doing that anyway, but recent events have made it a little more urgent, I think. Hoo boy.

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  • wikith

    Eeeee! At least his parents should have opted for something… sturdy.
    I have only been practicing for a year and I’ve already fixed 3 foreleg fractures from situations like this!

    • Yup. That is why we have a Golden and a Lab- I KNOW my son. :/

  • Kim

    That poor dog.

  • Tonya

    I agree with wikith! Where’s a good Lab or even Great Pyr when you need one?!?

  • Georgia Jewel

    This story just puts me over the edge. First , I read that a shelter close to me has to close for 2 weeks of renovations and may have to put down any of the animals who aren’t adopted. Now another irresponsible adult buys a puppy for someone who clearly cannot handle it. I’m just gonna go weep for the animals now.

    • That’s their solution to renovations??? How AWFUL!!

  • Sedna

    /slow, extended facepalm
    Is there any way to put that poor dog in a combat suit of some sort? I’m thinking carbon-fiber leg armor and a helmet.

    • That is actually a brilliant idea. Or just bubble wrap him for the first couple of years?

      • Sedna

        “Look, sweetie! Mr. Yips is on the bomb squad now!”

        You know what else I was thinking- a demonstration of how much (or, in this case, how little) force it takes to cause injury, or the actual size of bones in the small breeds. It might help the kids understand a little better if they see, “oh hey wow, that dog’s leg is only as big as my pinky finger” or something similarly concrete.

  • oh my goodness. that poor dog.
    If only your presentation includes Harold’s parents and the pup being present too? that poor poor pup…
    i just had a flashback of a kitten coming into the vet’s office with a big swollen paw (I called it Clown-Paw) and what was the cause? a tiny little rubber band used on braces. you know the kind i’m talking about? I was there when the Mom gave The LOOK to her two sons who avoided eye-contact. yup.

  • Yikes! I certainly hope the parents will keep a watchful eye over the dog when it’s in Harold’s hands. I just finished writing up an article about pet insurance claims we see for small dogs jumping/falling/getting dropped by small children and breaking legs…. let’s hope this dog doesn’t become my next article.

  • Lisa W

    Yikes! I’d like to make every pet parent pass a test before they take a little creature home. I think it might have to involve testimony before a panel who would then have to agree unanimously that this person deserves to have an animal in his/her life… Obviously Harold’s dad would have to be smacked on the head with a gavel as he was loudly told “NO!”

  • Poor puppy ๐Ÿ™
    I am in total agreement with Lisa W: people should need to pass a test before owning a pet (& having children for that matter….but that’s a WHOLE different blog post).
    Perhaps we can organise a “Prison Break” style of rescue. Who’s up for getting some tattoos?