CSI: Hands Off (a Pet Doctor Barbie post)
The other day, my daughter was invited to a birthday party and told to bring a favorite doll. She brought down one of her special amputee Barbies, the arm neatly chewed off below the elbow.
“Aw honey,” I said, “Do you want to pick a doll that has all her limbs?”
She looked at me askance. “ALL of my dollies are like this.” She said this without a hint of regret or remorse. “That’s just what happens when Brody shares.”
I guess when all you’ve known is a pet serial doll killer, it doesn’t occur to you to be bothered by it.
We got another call about some discarded body parts.
Sounds like someone could…..use a hand.
I think I’m gonna be sick. Who could do something like this?
Someone really has a taste for….ladyfingers.
I’ll never forget that face. He looked so sweet and innocent, I thought he was just lost, at first.
Until he just grabbed me and bit off my arm.
Yeah, we see all kinds of weirdos in this job. Most of them are harmless. But this guy…he was different.
He said he had a bone to pick with me. Then he just bit off my arm. When I tried to fight him off with my other hand, he bit that off too.
I came around the corner right when he had her by the wrist. He growled like a madman. I’m lucky I got off this easy.
This lunatic has really been giving us a run for our money. No bones about it, he’s doggedly pursuing these victims. I gotta hand it to him. Though what I really want to hand him… is a prison uniform.
Hey, we have another victim. This one has a pretty solid ID on the perp.
Yeah, I got a good look at that jerk. He came in to get some plastic removed from his gums. I remember seeing all this stuff about the Hand Snatching Bandit on the news and I got suspicious.
I told him I would have to sedate him to get the pieces out. When I reached for him with the needle, he just grabbed me and bit my arm off. Fortunately I had a tourniquet nearby.
Yeah, I got a good look at him and his beady little eyes.
I managed to rub him with a skunky towel before he ran off. You should have no trouble finding him.
Bag full of half eaten bully sticks and a can of tomato juice. We got him! Now we get to hand him…some justice!
Just in case you need a little Caruso fix. 
