It’s Bad Poetry Friday: Emails and spam

This is what happens when you leave me alone in the first rainstorm of the year with a bottle of port, a pile of Dr. Seuss books, and a backlog of emails asking, asking, asking, asking for me to once again be a Nice Veterinary Writer/ Pet Blogger and do some more free work. Mostly, it’s just a silly Friday I need to Apologize to Dr. Seuss Once Again kind of post. I dedicate it to all of you who know this feeling all too well.

 E-Mails and Spam

I’m Dr. V.

Dr. V is me.

That Dr. V!

That Dr. V!

She likes to write,

That Dr. V.

I do not like

to write for free.

So please don’t ask, love, Dr. V.

Would you write

for some treats?

I do not want to write for leashes,

I do not want to write for treatses.

I do not want to write for free,

So please don’t ask, love, Dr. V.

 Think you might?

We are huge, with tons of fans,

But we can’t pay, still, think you can?

I do not want to please your readers

Or to help you sell your feeders.

I do not want to write for free,

So please don’t ask, love, Dr. V.

Feed it! Feed it! To your brood!

Could you? Should you?

For a book?

Read it! Read it! On your nook!


I would not, could not, for some food,

I know you think I’m being rude,

I do not want books to review,

My free moments number few.

I do not want to write for free,

So please don’t ask, love, Dr. V.

I know you like to cover puppies.

Here’s our product helping puppies.

Write about our site for puppies?

We value your advanced vocation,

So donate! For no compensation!


I will not, thrill not, about your puppies,

They’re cute, for sure, those little muppies.

But I too, have a job to do

And mouths to feed, and loans still new.

I do not want to write for free,

So please don’t ask, Love, Dr. V.

I sure do like that you respect,

My time and schooling, I detect

You value this as my career

And that I can’t be in arrears.

I do so like to write for fees!

I’m glad to do it. Love, Dr. V.

Filed: Blog, Goofball Antics, Musings, Picks of the Litter Tagged: , ,
  • Deborah Mendez

    Just like Dr, Seuss, a message between the lines and rhymes! :)

    • Dr. V

      I’m not even sure it was all that subtle, really. :)

  • Tabitha

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! Made my day. I hope you send that out to EVERY offer you get.

    • Dr. V

      Tempting. :)

  • Jordann

    Love! I also get tons of invitations to do free writing, or for some kind of amazing fee like $5. No thanks! (Although I do love to do free pet product reviews, it’s my guilty pleasure)

    • Dr. V

      I did, until I filled all my garage cabinets. Now, I’m over it.

  • Edie Jarolim

    Love this! But you missed the famous “but don’t you want the exposure”? People die of exposure, don’t you know~

    • Annette Frey

      True! Famous last word….

    • Dr. V

      I feel like I’m dying of it all the time. :D

  • Robert


    • Dr. V

      Thanks Robert!

  • Sue W.

    “We’ve GOT to make noises
    in greater amounts!
    So, open your mouth, lad!
    For every voice counts!”

    I love your noises!

    • Dr. V

      So glad someone does. :D

  • Woof Woof Mama

    You are MY HERO!!! I WILL be sharing this…possible as an autoreply on my email inbox!

    • Dr. V

      And we shall all stand up, and demand compensation, with this bad poem as our standard.

  • Brendan Michael Howard

    Amazing and awesome, doc.

    • Dr. V

      Thanks Brendan!

  • Peternal Instinct

    Great post! The idea that because you enjoy your work means you should do it for free is constantly frustrating! I never want to hear the words “but you can use it in your portfolio” ever again!

    • Dr. V

      My portfolio is just fine, thankyouverymuch. :D

  • kamnel

    So, no? ;) This is awesome!

    • Dr. V

      No, no, so no go.

  • JanetGoimgCrazy

    But I will tweet you, promo, and facebook you can get traffic, but from who…?

    • Dr. V


  • Pikachu

    So Fantastical, awesome and fine , you are our hero , so divine :-)

    • Dr. V

      Woo hoo! Love comments that get right in the spirit.

  • schwink

    Brilliant, and hopefully cathartic!

    • Dr. V

      Very cathartic.

  • Anonymous
    • Dr. V

      Thanks Dawn! :D

  • JaneK

    HA! Good for you, Dr. V. It’s good to know how to say “no” and respect yourself and your family above all. thanks for the smiles….

    • Dr. V

      Thank you Jane!

  • Tamara

    <3 <3 <3 You are a genius, Dr. V :)

  • Pup Fan

    LOL… absolutely perfect!

  • Sue Kottwitz

    Absolutely brilliant!!!