It’s Bad Poetry Friday: Emails and spam

This is what happens when you leave me alone in the first rainstorm of the year with a bottle of port, a pile of Dr. Seuss books, and a backlog of emails asking, asking, asking, asking for me to once again be a Nice Veterinary Writer/ Pet Blogger and do some more free work. Mostly, it’s just a silly Friday I need to Apologize to Dr. Seuss Once Again kind of post. I dedicate it to all of you who know this feeling all too well.

Β E-Mails and Spam

I’m Dr. V.

Dr. V is me.

That Dr. V!

That Dr. V!

She likes to write,

That Dr. V.

I do not like

to write for free.

So please don’t ask, love, Dr. V.

Would you write

for some treats?

I do not want to write for leashes,

I do not want to write for treatses.

I do not want to write for free,

So please don’t ask, love, Dr. V.

Β Think you might?

We are huge, with tons of fans,

But we can’t pay, still, think you can?

I do not want to please your readers

Or to help you sell your feeders.

I do not want to write for free,

So please don’t ask, love, Dr. V.

Feed it! Feed it! To your brood!

Could you? Should you?

For a book?

Read it! Read it! On your nook!


I would not, could not, for some food,

I know you think I’m being rude,

I do not want books to review,

My free moments number few.

I do not want to write for free,

So please don’t ask, love, Dr. V.

I know you like to cover puppies.

Here’s our product helping puppies.

Write about our site for puppies?

We value your advanced vocation,

So donate! For no compensation!


I will not, thrill not, about your puppies,

They’re cute, for sure, those little muppies.

But I too, have a job to do

And mouths to feed, and loans still new.

I do not want to write for free,

So please don’t ask, Love, Dr. V.

I sure do like that you respect,

My time and schooling, I detect

You value this as my career

And that I can’t be in arrears.

I do so like to write for fees!

I’m glad to do it. Love, Dr. V.

Filed: Blog, Goofball Antics, Musings, Picks of the Litter Tagged: , ,
  • Deborah Mendez

    Just like Dr, Seuss, a message between the lines and rhymes! :)

    • Dr. V

      I’m not even sure it was all that subtle, really. :)

  • Tabitha

    HAHAHAHAHA!!! Made my day. I hope you send that out to EVERY offer you get.

    • Dr. V

      Tempting. :)

  • Jordann

    Love! I also get tons of invitations to do free writing, or for some kind of amazing fee like $5. No thanks! (Although I do love to do free pet product reviews, it’s my guilty pleasure)

    • Dr. V

      I did, until I filled all my garage cabinets. Now, I’m over it.

  • Edie Jarolim

    Love this! But you missed the famous “but don’t you want the exposure”? People die of exposure, don’t you know~

    • Annette Frey

      True! Famous last word….

    • Dr. V

      I feel like I’m dying of it all the time. πŸ˜€

  • Robert


    • Dr. V

      Thanks Robert!

  • Sue W.

    β€œWe’ve GOT to make noises
    in greater amounts!
    So, open your mouth, lad!
    For every voice counts!”

    I love your noises!

    • Dr. V

      So glad someone does. πŸ˜€

  • Woof Woof Mama

    You are MY HERO!!! I WILL be sharing this…possible as an autoreply on my email inbox!

    • Dr. V

      And we shall all stand up, and demand compensation, with this bad poem as our standard.

  • Brendan Michael Howard

    Amazing and awesome, doc.

    • Dr. V

      Thanks Brendan!

  • Peternal Instinct

    Great post! The idea that because you enjoy your work means you should do it for free is constantly frustrating! I never want to hear the words “but you can use it in your portfolio” ever again!

    • Dr. V

      My portfolio is just fine, thankyouverymuch. πŸ˜€

  • kamnel

    So, no? πŸ˜‰ This is awesome!

    • Dr. V

      No, no, so no go.

  • JanetGoimgCrazy

    But I will tweet you, promo, and facebook you can get traffic, but from who…?

    • Dr. V


  • Pikachu

    So Fantastical, awesome and fine , you are our hero , so divine :-)

    • Dr. V

      Woo hoo! Love comments that get right in the spirit.

  • schwink

    Brilliant, and hopefully cathartic!

    • Dr. V

      Very cathartic.

  • Anonymous
    • Dr. V

      Thanks Dawn! πŸ˜€

  • JaneK

    HA! Good for you, Dr. V. It’s good to know how to say “no” and respect yourself and your family above all. thanks for the smiles….

    • Dr. V

      Thank you Jane!

  • Tamara

    <3 <3 <3 You are a genius, Dr. V :)

  • Pup Fan

    LOL… absolutely perfect!

  • Sue Kottwitz

    Absolutely brilliant!!!