Dog: World’s Worst Coach

I am training for a half marathon.

I thought about training for a full marathon, but then the reality what that was like the last time I attempted it kicked in and I remembered that oh yeah, I don’t like to run. I think you can do a full marathon once when you don’t like to run, just to say you did (Rock n Roll 2001 for me), but after than there’s really nothing to prove other than, “oh yeah, this hurts.”

A half marathon though, is doable. Still not fun, but manageable. I have decided, along with my friend from the gym who I kind of hate because she keeps inviting me to things such as “Summer Boot Camp!” and “Half marathon! It’ll be fun!” and I keep saying yes, that should we complete this without killing ourselves, maybe, just maybe, we will try and tackle a triathlon before our 40th birthdays.

Do they let people leisurely triathlon these days? All my competitiveness gets used up in my professional life so I have none left over for this.

Anyway, the point is I am doing this and it’s a grind, but I keep remembering that health is a gift and blah blah blah; I’m training with a group because it’s the only way I will drag myself out of bed at 6 am for the long Saturday runs.

Brody doesn’t come with me on those. He can manage shorter distances, but he’s made it clear he’s not yet ready for anything over 3 miles, tops, despite his summer cut. I appreciate that.

This Saturday I ran (‘ran’?) 9 miles, which sounds alternatively fantastic and psssshaw depending on where on the running spectrum you fall. To me, this is the longest distance I’ve done in a single day since I staggered off Mt Meru a few years ago, and that was because I had to since there was no oxygen up at the top.


I’m hunched over because I couldn’t straighten up, not because I voluntarily felt like standing that way. Teri is hanging on for dear life.

So after 9 miles, at the end of which I realized my entire body was numb from the waist down, I came home and sat on the floor to stretch. Soon enough I was laying on the floor, like one of those crime scene outlines.

020 0120 7141 023 0123 7173 Small is Beautiful Floor Black Still Life

020 0120 7141 023 0123 7173 Small is Beautiful Floor Black Still Life, by Steve James on Flicker

I began to appreciate why dogs do this, this splat sort of positioning. The wood was cool. Soon I melted and became one with the floor. Why don’t I do this more often? I wondered, and when my daughter asked me why I was doing that I realized it was not really possible for me to make it onto the couch at that particular moment.

Brody was excited I was in his domain, plopping down nose to nose and looking at me like, “Hey! What are you doing here?” He stared at me for a while, and then I decided I needed to stretch if I ever was to have hope of standing up again.

It went about as well as you’d expect.

Dogs don’t understand why we would come into their territory for any purposes other than play, and Brody was having none of it. He laid on my foot, licked me in downward dog, and dumped a soggy tennis ball on my stomach when I tried to stretch out my hip. It’s clear I’m not alone in this.

Dogs are awesome at many things, but sitting quietly by while you sit on the floor and bend into weird shapes is not one of them. If you’re going to goof off, they figure, might as well let me in on the fun.

Anyone else have a dog who simply won’t let you on the floor by yourself?



Filed: Blog, Daily Life, Fit Life, Goofball Antics, Health, Musings Tagged: , ,
  • Have you considered exercising in a way that both you and Brody would enjoy??? Enjoyment helps! 😀

    • Brody and I do have our activities we enjoy- hiking, trail running (shorter distance), swimming. Why I pushed myself to this is truly something I can’t quite figure out, other than glutton for punishment! Should have trusted the dog on this one.

  • VetChangesWorld

    Quinny was the same way – “Oh, you moved! Now I must lick your face again!”

  • kgseymour
  • I have the same issue! Atka likes to lick my face as I twist around. Not helpful 😉

  • Lindsay

    I’ve completely given up on sit ups! My Jack Russell decides its playtime and pile drives my stomach and/or uses it as a trampoline. When she gets tired of that, she’ll try and shove a toy in my mouth so I’ll play fetch with her. If that fails, she’ll attack my face/hands and try to start a wrestling match. It’s definitely an exercise, but in futility, not physicality!!

  • Sue W.

    I thoroughly enjoyed the video! I have a gate on the door to my office, partially for this very reason…there was no stretching with the 70 pound puppy around. I have MS so stretching is essential.

  • Cathey Avery

    Our golden, that is to say my husband’s dog, doesn’t normally pay me more than cursory attention (and there must be food involved), but the moment I’m on the floor for anything, I am her BEST FRIEND! My hands and face MUST be thoroughly washed and those funny Pilates positions? They are the BEST!!

  • Michelle Granzow

    I have an Ocicat. so yeah, he’s basically like a dog! And no, I can’t do anything on floor without his prior consent, in triplicate, or else he pounces, jumps, claws, bats, lays in the middle of the mat, or attempts a cuddle fest in the middle of modified cobblers pose.

  • Abby’s Mom

    I have a cat who attacks my head every time I do sit ups in the living room.