Dear Kevin,
I’m sure you get fan letters all the time, from people who love your art: Clerks, Dogma, Chasing Amy. I think Chasing Amy was one of the first movies I watched with my boyfriend, who is now my husband. He thinks you’re the cheese.
I think you are a great writer, and like all great writers you have an amazing willingness to share things that other people hold close. Painful things, like a humiliating experience with an airline or, in this case, the terribly personal loss of a beloved dog. I am so very sorry Mulder died. I hope it is OK I am sharing the photo you posted because the love and the bond you share in this shot is there in a way I think others would be very comforted by.
To everyone: I encourage you to read Kevin’s words about Mulder here: They are beautiful.
I’m writing you today to thank you because I don’t know if you know just how special this is- not only your bond with Mulder but the fact that you are open to sharing this with the world. As a hospice veterinarian, I see people every day who are torn to shreds to have to say goodbye to their beloved companion. All kinds of people: women, kids, men, even big burly Marines and wrinkly faced Charlton Heston types. I worry about those men the most, because they have so often been taught not to express grief and sadness that they are as worried about my own reaction as they are just letting themselves experience the moment and admit, yes, I love this creature. Of course I am grieved.
I can speak all I want and tell people that they have permission to feel this way and let themselves cry and share and ask for camaraderie in a time that often feels incredibly isolating and lonely, but until more people like you- people with influence, whose words matter to so many- do what you’ve just done, it will continue to be a struggle for many more.
The conversation you opened up on your Facebook page- that matters. That’s huge. There are so many people starved for the opportunity to reach out and know it’s OK to drop your basket over this kind of loss, it’s like a dam breaking every time. What a testament to Mulder to have so many share in kind. It doesn’t lessen the pain, but I think the sharing the burden does help cushion the blow.
He was a beautiful dog and I know your heart must be broken into bits right now. For every idiot out there who called you an ‘attention whore’ for this, there are hundreds more moved to empathetic tears by your loss. You have fans who have your back. The average person out there who doesn’t have that support needs to see that.
And in the spirit of sharing, I’ll post a picture I never planned to share for all the reasons I just mentioned: I look horrible and tear streaked. It was a private moment. It is my dog Kekoa kissing me on the day she died. I was really annoyed with my husband for pulling out the camera that day, but in retrospect, I’m glad he did. You’d be surprised- at least I was- at how many people do the same when I am there to help them say goodbye. Maybe this will help others feel more permission to do the same.
I guess now I’m attention whore too. It’s all good.
Sincerely,
Dr. V, your newest fangirl
P.S. Will have a pint to toast Mulder’s long and storied life tonight.
precious, Dr. V. I took pictures of my beloved right after he took his last breath. Probably will never look at it, but it helped me feel in some way that I hadn’t completely lost him… or something like that. I wish I had gotten one of the 2 of us. I still get a strong visceral reaction when I think back on the very sad day.
Here’s the thing that surprised me, and it’s universal: You see grief, fear, sadness on the face of the people. And intense, intense, unmasked love. And on the pets: Just love. No fear. It’s so obvious, after the fact. And that, I’ve found, was so surprisingly comforting. I didn’t look at the pictures for a long, long time.
I still cry when I think of Daisy, or as, one day, a small white poodle X at the dog park left the play field, jumped up on the bench, and cuddled into my lap. Each dog I’ve had the privilege to live with is so unique and precious. And now there is Watson, the flirt extraordinaire!
It sounds like you have a lovely menagerie built in your heart!
I took a picture of my Hammy the night before we helped him cross the bridge because he had pancreatic cancer, far advanced. We had done everything we could, with the help of our wonderful & caring vet, including tube feedings for weeks. He and my siamese Taki were great pals, and the night before he died was no exception. The two of them spooned in their favorite chair, with Hammy’s arm around Taki. I had many pictures of this from previous occasions but this was a special moment between the 2 of them. The next morning at the vets, I showed the vet & the tech this photo, and we all cried together. It still hurts, but I am so glad I have that momento of a happy night before passing.
I’m glad you have that photo of Hammy as well. It is so beautiful to find that love, even in the midst of pain.
I think you look beautiful. Not glamorous or gorgeous, but beautiful in a Pieta kind of way; sorrowful but full of love. An honest picture.
And I’m not a Kevin Smith fan, but love that picture, and love that he was not ashamed to show his feelings. And you know that Mulder is so blissed at that moment. Most dogs being hugged look uncomfortable to be in that position.
Thank you so much for your very kind words.
I can’t believe the HATERS jumped on dear Kevin in his time of grief. As you know, there was more drama than I’d hoped on Lilly’s final day, so I have no photos of the day she died. Here is the last photo taken of us together (about a month before she died). No make up at all, but I share anyway.
Oh and it’s so beautiful, with that love and that blue sky shining. Thank you so much for sharing.
OMG I love that picture… such love and happiness!
An image I never, ever thought I’d share…..me saying goodbye to my Kuma, just before the vet came to the house. I”d been up all night holding up his head, the tumor in his throat would cut off his breathing everytime he put his head down. Once the vet came to the house, we all cried and held Kuma as he passed. Although this day was in January 2010, I still cry, lots…..I miss him.
Oh, Kuma is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing him with us. I agree with you, there is no timeline for grief- you will always miss him!
Thanks, Dr. V. There is no such thing as “just a dog”. Every dog is someone’s redemption-in-waiting. Being human doesn’t necessarily make us humane. But add a dog to a someone’s life and watch the human become a person – enriched by the simple act of caring for (and being cared for by) an animal. That dog made me a better human being.
Thank you for sharing Mulder with the world, for showing the unconditional love that our furry family members hold for us. Dr. V is right, it does feel like an isolating time because people expect you to just get over it. They don’t understand that they aren’t “just dogs.” They’re our best friends, our partners in crime, they don’t judge us, they are always there to turn a crappy day into a good one by just being their loving, goofy selves.
They leave giant holes in their wake that can’t be filled. I’ll leave you with one of my favourite poems.
So this is where we part, My Friend,
And you’ll run on, around the bend.
Gone from sight, but not from mind,
new pleasures there you’ll surely find.
I will go on; I’ll find the strength,
Life measures quality, not its length.
One long embrace before you leave,
Share one last look, before I grieve.
There are others, that much is true,
But they be they, and they aren’t you.
And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,
Will remember well all you’ve taught.
Your place I’ll hold, you will be missed,
The fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.
And as you journey to your final rest,
Take with you this…I loved you best.
-Jim Willis
I bow to the wordmaster. That was beautiful. Thank you for taking the time during this really sad point in your life to stop by- I hope you know we’re all thinking of you!
This is beautiful. I’m so thankful for people like you and Kevin (who I also think is quite the cheese — I probably use “I’m not even supposed to BE here today” from Clerks weekly, even though, yeah, I’m usually supposed to be there). Grieving is a bit easier when shared with people who care — thank you for helping people to see that..
Beautifully done. I admire Kevin for sharing his pain and I admire you for sharing why it is so important he did. Thank you.
The post was sad enough, touching and moving as it was, but I should have grabbed a tissue before reading the comments. My heartfelt condolences and empathy to all who have lost a much loved dog or cat. It ain’t easy; in fact, it downright sucks.
I had to smile at the picture of you and Kekoa. I have a similar one a friend took of me and the best dog ever on the day she died. I am tear stained and am trying, for some unknown reason, to smile. My always camera-shy little girl is looking off to the side. In two weeks, it will be one year since she left my life. She will never leave my heart.
Thanks to all who shared here.
Thanks you to Kevin Smith for sharing his story with the world. Several of my friends shared it on their Facebook pages, which is how I saw it. I cried for Mulder and for Kevin Smith. I lost my Cooper three years ago this March 28th. It still crushes me. He was with me through the dark days of divorce and the death of both of my parents and he was just, quite simply, part of me. I miss him like crazy and I appreciate that Mr. Smith shared his story and reminded me that we are not alone. Rest now, sweet Mulder. Until we all meet again.
My lurcher have been with me for 12 years now and I can’t face thinking of the day when they go. I’ve had dogs all my life but it doesn’t get any easier does it? The main thing to do is make sure you give them the best life possible whilst they’re with us. Inspired words Kevin, your love is what the world needs right now.
Anybody who calls a grieving mommy or daddy of a precious furbaby an ‘attention monger’ or anything else has never EVER loved a pet. My hubby also took a picture of me saying goodbye to my precious Chevy, and I can only hope that my fingers are finding the correct keys because I am blubnering as I type. There is NO love like the love OFa furbaby or FOR a furbaby. OK, wiped my eyes, but all is still blurry, :). Bless bless bless EVERY person out there who has gone through this pain. EVERY time I have lost a precious pet I feel like I can never go through the pain again, but I soon find myself rescuing yet another. We lost our two senior babies in 2012 (one in March and one in October) we adopted a rescue pup each time, now have 2 and love them more then life. I certainly understand jumping into frigid water to save a drowning dog, stuff like that. I realize that many humans think of that as insane, humans being MORE important, but other than saying, yes, my people SON is more important than ANYTHING to me, animals are as important as people and have emotions and feel pain!!
These 2 photographs say it all. So sorry for both your losses.