As you can imagine, this job has its share of emotional stress. Everyone copes with it differently, with the frustration and the anxiety at not being able to do what you want to do. And you never can do ALL that you want to do.
If you were to meet me now, after these years of practice, you might not think that I care. When I tell you in a neutral voice that I think your pet has cancer, or that your cat is blocked, or that your dog has a pyometra, it isn’t that I don’t care. I promise you, the only reason I am there with you is because I care.
When I tell you that the road is long, expensive, and uncertain, I say that because it is the truth and I want you to make an informed decision. Only you know your family’s situation, and I promise, if you have to choose between feeding your kids or unblocking your cat, I understand. And I care. I am being honest with you. You can be honest with me too.
I know that it stinks when I tell you the cost of these things. It’s my job to let you know all your options- it’s not fair of me to judge you by your appearance and decide on your behalf what you can and can’t afford.
You see an estimate and hear an outline of the things I think your pet needs. You don’t see me in the back, crunching numbers and moving things around to try and give your pet the most I can with what you have. Calling my bosses, getting permission to waive this, discount that, so that your pet doesn’t die. Staying late on the phone with specialists, who consult with me for free, to help me come up with a plan so you don’t have to go to them yourself. Tell me your limitations and I will tell you your options.
But understand that I have my limitations, too. I can’t treat your pet for free. If I don’t make a paycheck, I can’t pay my day care, and then tomorrow I won’t be at work. I can’t take your sick pet and find it a new home. I will point you to places that can help you try and do that yourself, but I can’t take that on. I don’t offer these things, but it’s not because I don’t care.
I do care. I have done those things, more than once. It takes a lot out of a person. And the next day, 3 more pets just like them are waiting on the doorstep, without fail, without end.
My job is to help you do what is right for your pet, but I cannot be you. And for my own survival, I cannot allow you to place that responsibility on my shoulders. It is that line in the sand that allows me to be there day after day. If you have refused all I have to offer, if you leave with a pet in your arms that I know is going to die, every muscle in my body twitches to run after you, take your pet, and save them. But I can’t. So I take a breath, go back into the shelter of the lines I have drawn, and let it go.
If I didn’t learn to let it go, I would never sleep, mourning the things I couldn’t change. This removal is what allows me to return to the front door day after day and feel that I am accomplishing something worthwhile and good in this world.
And now I need to go have a glass of wine and will myself to forget this sad, frustrating afternoon.
Dr. V –
I feel you. I couldn’t have said that better myself. Have a glass of wine, and another for your homies…
I might do that exact thing. š
I would like to tell you thank you ,as someone that is on the other side of the table from you . Have a glass of wine and know you are loved and we do know you are doing the best you can.I love my vet because she is upfront with me and helps me every way she can.I do know what you do for us . thank you bcat
Thank you, truly. š
Dr. V,
I wish people could see just how much you do and go through to provide the care that you do – then maybe people could better understand that line in the sand and that as pet owners we have a responsibility too, instead of throwing it all on the doctor.
I just need a practice of yous, and Kims, and a few others and I would be set.
The dark side of clincal practice. Its so very sad, but I think the advice you gave, to give the client all the treatment options despite what you “think” about their budget or the lengths the willing to go for the pets, is the best advice I have ever heard when approaching these situations. I will carry that with me as I move through this career.
It is the most important lesson. Always offer what you would want for your own pet. You’d be shocked at who agrees to it all- and who doesn’t.
You know, I never really thought of it and all the different angles people are coming from. Anything we do for our pets is from the angle of “We want to make sure whatever procedures we do will help quality of life for as long as possible. Money isn’t an issue but anything we do is to help quality of life over anything else. If we poke and prod, it needs to potentially help them in the long run.” I never thought of it from any other motivation. There are some people, though, who would say “Keep them alive at all costs [even if it means to keep them alive for me only].” There are others who would say “I don’t want to pay more than $50 for any procedure.” I can’t imagine trying to wade through not only the money aspect and not assuming what their situation is but also trying to figure out what people’s motivations truly are and their relationship with their pets.
And you know, you really can’t assess motivation. It’s intuitive to try and do so but it bites me in the butt all the time. I count on owners to let me know their perspective because I’ve given up trying. I had someone decline $20 for antibiotics for their pet today because they had no money, two seconds after they told me they were going to a grooming appointment.
I’m so sorry you had such an awful afternoon. Thank you for caring so much for your patients and their big stupid owners. I only wish you could be my fur boy’s vet.
That is so sweet. Thank you.
Hugs from me & wet sloppy kisses from Xander
Thank you. š
Wow.
Can I print that up and hand it out to my most challenging abusive clients? (just kidding, of course, but it’s exactly what I want to tell people very often but don’t have half the eloquence you do to put it so beautifully…)
~Sara
I’m not nearly so coherent in person. Maybe I should write down everything I want to say and have my techs give it to the owners in the room. š
Dr. V,
I double ditto what mugami said.
As for your answer to sara, that might not be a bad idea. This post is so very forward and suscint, and may help others truely understand your side of the table.
But I suppose there will always be some nimrods that just don’t get it.
Hope the rest of your days/weeks go better.
A very familiar topic (been there!), but covered in such a NEW way. Well said, Dr V! Kudos for talking to BOTH sides of the table so eloquently.