I’ve been thinking a lot about Callie lately, my kitty who disappeared last autumn after one brief escape outside. I think about her whenever I see a pet who has been attacked by a coyote at work, my breath catching in my throat as I wonder if that is what happened to her. I look at the lacerations, the injuries, and I imagine her sitting quietly, trusting, not realizing that the predator approaching is not an Emmett or a Mulan to tease and romp around.
Whatever it was, I can only hope it was blessedly fast. I still haven’t forgiven myself entirely for the lapse in attention that allowed something to happen.
I received a notice this weekend that her Home Again chip was renewing, and I sat there staring mutely at the computer screen trying to decide what to do. Is there still a chance? Sure there is. But it’s been almost ten months. I spent the first two scouring the shelters, placing signs, talking to the neighbors. I’ll never know, but I know. She is gone.
Strangely, my son asked me this morning what had happened to her. He is not the perceptive one, not the one who takes the losses deeply. I wasn’t even sure he remembered Callie. It was very odd for him to bring this up our of nowhere.
“She’s run away,” I told him.
“Well can we look for her?” he asked, then brought out his Diego magnifying glass. “Let’s look for footprints. They will lead us to her.”
“We can try,” I said sadly. “But I don’t think we’re going to find her.”
“Is she dead?” he asked.
“I think she’s with another family,” chimed in my daughter.
I said I didn’t know but I hoped so.
True to his word, my son spent the afternoon scouring the yard for clues. He didn’t find anything, but as he earnestly tried to find her, it made my heart hurt a little more, and a little less, simultaneously.
xoxo
Awww. I like your daughter’s answer. Let’s stick with that one…
I like her answer too,
It can be very hard to decide to ride the line between being realistic or holding out hope even if what we’re hoping for might be unrealistic. In this scenario, I see no problem with hoping that Callie found her way to a new home. That’s definitely the option I’m taking 🙂
There are so many things we will never know – what if I had chosen *that* route, made *that* decision differently, picked *that* husband/doctor/friend/pet…
I agree with Ashley, ultimately if you don’t know, pick the answer you want and believe it. Why not? It is the healthier route.
Your daughter is surely old for her years. She gave the one true answer – for Callie, if she is not with another family, is surely home, over the rainbow bridge as some of us like to say, for a God who would require Noah to save two of each animal, would surely bring our pets home to heaven.
If Callie were mine, I would renew that chip. My husband’s childhood cat came back after 3 years on walkabout in Brooklyn. One day she just hopped up on the kitchen windowsill and decided to move back in. Besides, you and your kids still have hope. It’s okay to feed it a little bit.
I’d renew the chip for another year. Recently there was a segment on the news about a cat returning home after many years. Who knows? And that’s the hardest part…not knowing. Sending hugs from Barbara and doggie kisses from Daisy.
I’d renew the chip. As sad as I am as the anniversary of Bailey’s passing approaches on July 4, at least I know what happened to her. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to always have to wonder… {{{hugs}}}
I’m so sorry to hear about this; like you said on Twitter – the not knowing is the worst part. My dog Hamlet ran away a couple of months ago without a collar or tags on and was missing for about an hour. We were freaking out and scouring the neighborhood looking for him and thank goodness ran into a couple who had found him running around on the trail. I can’t imagine what it would be like to never know what happened. Hugs to you, your family, and Callie, wherever she is.
I really feel you on this. I’ve talked before about how the same sort of thing happened to my beautiful Sinead. It’s been almost four years now, and I still wonder sometimes what happened to her. I assume she was killed by coyotes, and if so I know it was quick. But still, whenever I see a black cat with golden eyes in an animal shelter ad …
Oh, Dr. V. 🙁 It seems those of us with healthier imaginations suffer more because, after all, we imagine the worst. Not only are you envisioning her loss, but her pain, confusion, et al. I know it’s hard to stop those awful thoughts from visiting, but don’t forget to remember all the awesome times you had with her. Use your imagination to re-live the good stuff! And know that the good karma meter is at full capacity for you! You save so many. Plus, you make us smile 🙂
Oh your post just made my heart ache. I can only imagine the sadness that you feel.
I agree with the others who said to renew the chip at least another year….it is true that cats find their way home.
If everyone would tweet this article maybe if Callie is with another family someone will see the tweet and return her to her rightful home.
xoxoxo
One of my worst nightmares! I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Yes, all it takes is one second of inattention, but don’t be too hard on yourself. We are, sadly, only human.
Your children are wonderful in their responses. I will hope for the miracle that brings Callie back to all of you.
-Anastasia
Your post made me so sad. It’s my worst nightmare, to have Squeak go missing. I’m not sure what your neighbourhood is like but its not out of the question that Callie really is living with someone else. Hugs and purrs to you and your family today.
I am also in favor of your daughter’s answer. I also would renew the chip, because I of her answer. You know just in case…..
I wouldn’t renew the chip, but not because there’s no chance; the service you pay for each year is the hotlines and insurance and whatnot. Is it possible Callie’s still out there? Sure. But the chances that she’s truly lost (as opposed to taken in with a family) and will need medical attention/the insurance are low, and the time for the hotlines is past. Your registration with the company is good even if you don’t pay them the fee, and if someone gets her scanned your contact info will still pop up.
And for sure still listen to your daughter. My friend once lost a cat only to have it turn up a couple of years later – and see “missing cat” posters around the neighborhood. She’d invited herself in several blocks away (outside my friend’s own poster range) and been living pretty well, until the new family made their own lapse. Luckily everyone dealt with the custody issue very well – the cat stayed with her new people, as there was a very attached young girl involved, but they allowed frequent visits.
Oh, that makes me feel so much better (about the contact info). Thank you.
Not knowing is always so tough. I’m with your daughter on this one.
i think Callie is a Schrödinger’s cat… so let’s leave the box closed and renew the chip- it gives you permission to have hope and faith. You need that. Callie Cal was a VERY well loved girl with a fantastic life. She really wasn’t one to run off. But for some reason we’ll never know, The Mood took her and she went off on an adventure. She went all Thelma sans the Louise. When your glass half empty gene takes hold, remember, I firmly believe God sends angels to all his creatures, human and animal, in our final moments. Dr. V, you and I have seen it, SEEN IT, in our lives. So whatever the status of her existence today, either with a family that just plain needed her more, or romping around chasing Emmett and Mou, I trust she is okay. Leave the box closed, shut your eyes, and enjoy the picture of what you want her to be. And she will be there.
OK you have to stop making me all weepy.
I think that a pet going missing is a harder grief than losing one to illness, or even having to euthanize. My Zen cat went missing, and I never found out what happened. For a long time, I held out hope he would show back up, but alas… I also thought, like your daughter, that maybe he found another family. Not denial, really, but hope!