As I was driving home yesterday, I was thinking about Emmett and how much has changed in the past year. One year ago, I said goodbye. One year ago, I sat 10 feet from where I am now with my head on his neck for the last time, while he sighed into my hands, too tired to even roll over for a belly rub. It was a bad day.
I was thinking about how, after he died, our house was the cleanest it had been in years. The tumbleweeds were gone- the ever present little hair balls that found their way into corners no matter how much we brushed or vacuumed. I would look around the tidy floors, and tear up because I missed those tumbleweeds.
And now we have them again, and I have Brody and Koa. I could play the whatif game inside my head all day- whatif Emmett didn’t die? Where would Brody be today? Would Koa still be in rescue? And then I remember, what might have happened, or could have happened, is all irrelevant. All that matters is what did happen.
The tumbleweeds are back, and yes they are different, but they are here, and I am happy.
As I sat at a stoplight mulling this over, a little puff of something- I don’t know what it was exactly, a small white feather or puff of fur- blew in through the open window, and danced in front of my face for a second or two. I grabbed for it, but it had already caught the eddy of wind and blew out the other side of the car. I am probably overthinking things to say that a wayward feather blowing into the car somehow represented an extremely profound moment, but it did.
Yes, it’s going to be a hard day today, but it is OK. Things are as they are supposed to be.
A little while back, I asked on Facebook if anyone would like to contribute a photo of a pet who has passed for a little project I was doing to mark this day. This is it. I hope I have honored them well.