Super Bowl Ads Scorecard

Let’s face it, the game on Sunday ceased to be interesting about 15 minutes in so there was more interest than there normally is in the advertisements. There were some hideous ones. There were some OK ones. There were some great ones. Here, in no particular order, are some of the animal ads that graced the screen during our annual American paean to commercialism.

Chevy Romance

I was very concerned this ad was going to end up in some sort of abbatoir, or a rodeo, or any number of things we’d all get the sads from watching, so to see the bull go off to a life of studliness is a clean getaway, albeit a bit manipulative. And really, it’s just slight take on the typical “guy opens bud, ends up in pool with 500 supermodels” ad so I have to take some points off for originality. Grade: B-

Ian Up for Whatever

I would be thrilled to come across Don Cheadle and a llama in an elevator. I can think of few things that would entertain me more, except perhaps Bill Murray and an alpaca in an elevator. TAKE NOTE, BUD. Grade: B+

Doberhuahua

I just found this ad confusing. Were they in a pet store offering on demand breeding of designer breeds? Why is this Doberhuahua so angry? What dog show is going to let a non-recognized breed in? Why are their eyes so buggy and has anyone tested their intraocular pressure yet? Why is that one launching himself at a window? WHY IS HIS HEAD SO BIG?? I realize none of these things are relevant to the point of the ad, but I was so distracted by the million questions in my head I forgot to pay attention to what they are supposed to be advertising. Is there some horrible monster-tire bearing sports car hybrid Audi shoppers should be wary of? Is that the analogy? See, I’m still confused. Grade: C-

Doritos Kid

So close, yet so far away. I know I’m veering into “get a sense of humor” territory, but I really, really hated the kid riding the Mastiff. When you see someone like Steve-O doing something dumb on TV, there is an implicit understanding that most sane people would not do what he does. But riding dogs is the sort of thing undereducated parents encourage their kids to do EVERY day, with the results being something less than a bag of Doritos and something more like a trip to the ER and a euthanized dog. This commercial had plenty of material to work with without showing something so irresponsible. Grade: D

 Budweiser Puppy Love

At least we can cleanse our palates with this one, puppy love at its finest. If I’m being honest, I usually despise this song, so kudos to Budweiser for making me get the warm fuzzies over a song I hate and a beer I don’t drink. That, my friends, is a good ad. Grade: A