Dear Kevin, I'm sure you get fan letters all the time, from people who love your art: Clerks, Dogma, Chasing Amy. I think Chasing Amy was one of the first movies I watched with my boyfriend, who is now my husband. He thinks you're the cheese. I think you are a great writer, and like all great writers you have an amazing willingness to share things that other people hold close. Painful things, like a humiliating experience with an airline or, in this case, the terribly personal loss of a ... Read more »
saying goodbye
Glad to meet you
It is one of the sad ironies of being a veterinarian in clinical practice that most of your clients are majorly unhappy to see you. (Retrievers don't count, they're always happy to see you.) The reasons are obvious: vet clinics mean temperature taking, and shots, and cold tables. Trust me, I don't much enjoy heading off to my doctor's office either, nice as the staff is. Those awful half length hospital gowns they give you (ladies, you know the ones I'm referring to)- cold and humiliating. ... Read more »
A place of passing
"I'm never going back," I have heard more than one pet owner say. They are talking about the office of their veterinarian, a person with whom they have built a relationship for years, someone they like and trust. But their pet died there, and the painful memories are too strong. So strong for some people that they go and find a new vet, even if they liked their old one just fine. It's one of the reasons I like having the option that I offer, of performing in-home euthanasia and pet hospice ... Read more »
my sweaty self, my gym bag, my cat
One of the things they always tell you in vet school is "don't go on gut instinct alone." And this is a good point, because you can't really practice sound medicine based solely on intuition. You get a hunch, then you follow through with science to prove or disprove your hypothesis. Most of the time, though, you're right, even if you don't want to be. Like the time I was patting Nuke on his side and felt a mass pushing back on my hand. "Splenic hemangiosarcoma," my mind spit out, and an ... Read more »
Birdsong
Hands "You have surgeon's hands," said Mr. Veri, and I believed him. It was one of the few things my Jon Lovitz-esque physics teacher had said to me all year, and I had no idea what prompted it or what level of experience he had with hand divination, but it sounded like a kickass thing to have, and I held onto it. He saw my hands, but he didn't know my heart. I didn't either, so I can't blame him for setting me up for crushed dreams down the road. I went into veterinary school sure of two ... Read more »
Minimizing the Stress of Euthanasia
I can't believe Koa's been gone over a month. Sometimes I still look for her around the corner or find some black fur stuck to a sock buried in the laundry pile. We are still adjusting. I did a quick Google Hangout video talking about some of the lessons I've taken from my own dogs as well as my experience in the clinic. I hope it has some information people find useful, especially to those who have never been through the process before. ... Read more »
Please God, let me go with my face in a plate of chocolate chip ice cream
Friday things were getting bad, Kekoa's leg was aching. So you know, it's time to go, But not without some bacon. Saturday was super great, All day long we ate and ate, Venison, rabbit, gator too, All day feasting through and through. And when Sunday came around, Gray and rainy, under cloud, I sat down and then I cried, Cause it was time to say goodbye. When the doctor gave the shot, My dear dog, she felt it not Because she had - don't get me wrong- In her paws, ... Read more »
Some things never change, until they do
I'm in Boston for my grandfather's service today. Per his request, it will be a low-key affair. Being the exceptionally organized person that he was, my grandfather had planned 95% of the service himself before he left, leaving envelopes to pay his taxes, money to take the family out to dinner after the burial, and strict instructions that we are to finish off the cognac before we leave. It's a bittersweet time. He was the last of my grandparents, and with him passes an era. Or, as my dad so ... Read more »
Elegy for Carl
You know this scene from Up. Unless you were living under a rock back in 2009, you found yourself blindsided when you settled into the movie theater expecting some animated shenanigans, only to have your heart ripped, still beating, from your ribcage, stomped on, wrung out, and rubbed in wasabi for good measure before being unceremoniously deposited in your lap to absorb all your tears. All in the first five minutes. I'm sure there were one or two people out there who didn't sob like a ... Read more »
The Postman Always Rings Twice
We have a great mailman. I don't know how to explain it, but for all the complaints people have about the US Postal Service we seem to have lucked out with our guy. From the day we moved in when he introduced himself 6 years ago, he's been unfailingly polite, always waving, remembers our name, and pretty much everything you have come to not expect in a federal employee. He showed up at 10 am today with a package I needed to sign for, and we chatted a bit. I signed, he left. A minute later, he ... Read more »
Doctor….Do Dead Pets Watch Over Us?
Grief counselor Dana Durrance asks a good question for a late night discussion: do you believe departed pets come back to visit? And is this a discussion you would even want to have with your vet? I've been reading a terrific book by a famous and well-known medium named Concetta Bertoldi (she consults regularly with members of Britain's royal family as well as with American celebrities and politicians). Her book, "Do Dead People Watch You Shower?" is a fascinating compilation of all the ... Read more »
The Tree of Life: memorializing a lost pet
Memorializing a pet is a regular topic of conversation here on the blog, and in this post, family therapist Laurel Lagoni from Vet Wisdom Cafe shares a great idea for one way to keep our memories of our loved pets alive: Planting a Tree In Memoriam "I'm confused about what to do now with my dog's ashes. He was cremated and I received his remains a couple of weeks ago. I don't really want to keep them, but I also don't want to scatter them around and then have nowhere that I can "visit" him. ... Read more »
The heart dog post: it never goes away
It's funny how grief works, isn't it? After my grandmother died, I was devastated. But I also felt kind of numb- her illness had been going on for so long, and her suffering so great, that it was both a blessing and a terrible sadness to see her go. I was in the card section of the store looking for something to give to my grandfather. I can't figure out how a piece of paper could possibly contain a lifetime of memories, envelop what she has meant to me in a piece of cardboard that I then ... Read more »
Never never never
Several years ago I was sitting in an exam room with a man who was about to euthanize his cat. "Is he going to wave his legs around?" he asked. "That's pretty uncommon," I said. "No seizures?" he asked. "No." His shoulders relaxed. "That's good," he told me. "Because when I was a kid and we euthanized our cat, I took him home to bury him, and the next morning I found him halfway out of the grave." He took a breath. "When we called the vet, he told us sometimes the pet can have some ... Read more »
I had a dog
His name was Nuke. It was short for "Nuclear", on behalf of the UC Davis Department of Radiology who used him on a weekly basis to teach the vet students how to take radiographs. When word got out my sophomore year of school that I was looking for a dog, my friend Dan pulled me aside and told me about this awesome dog he heard about from the head radiology technician, Barb. "Nuke is so great," she said before taking me to meet him. "He's a 10 year old coonhound, and we all just adore ... Read more »
In Judgment
Last week, I mentioned that I had to do a euthanasia where the owner chose not to be present, and it was a little emotionally challenging for me. I was more upset about the day than the fact that the owners left, and I mentioned it only to illustrate that I needed to lean on my techs to help me out with the part that I normally do without a problem (comforting the pet.) I didn't mean to set that up as a "oh no these irresponsible owners how could they" sort of thing, but it certainly opened ... Read more »
Tumbleweeds
As I was driving home yesterday, I was thinking about Emmett and how much has changed in the past year. One year ago, I said goodbye. One year ago, I sat 10 feet from where I am now with my head on his neck for the last time, while he sighed into my hands, too tired to even roll over for a belly rub. It was a bad day. I was thinking about how, after he died, our house was the cleanest it had been in years. The tumbleweeds were gone- the ever present little hair balls that found their way into ... Read more »
An ode to O’Malley
Many years ago, at my very first job, I had the good fortune to meet a technician who was also to become a wonderful friend. We were young, both new to our jobs, and flush with the excitement of entering this field. We had new pets: I had Emmett, 2 at the time, and had recently rescued Mulan as a 5 year old. Amber had just adopted an adorable orange fluffball named O'Malley. O'Malley was many things: confident, sassy, a bit of a handful. And by "a bit" I mean "a majorly huge handful." He'd ... Read more »
