I think some clients truly believe I have a crystal ball squirreled away in the treatment area. With such a mystical device at my disposal, surely there is no need for such silly, superfluous money wasting devices like bloodwork, x-rays, or even a pesky physical exam. I simply see the dog or cat- nay, with my powers I can even ascertain their sickly auras over the phone- run into the back, whip the velvet cover off my ball-box, and gaze into its depths. "O, Great Crystal Kitty Ball," I ... Read more »
Daily Life
Ole!
One of my favorite clients came in yesterday. Let's call him 'The Matador'. Everything about him screams 'machismo'. He struts into the exam room with his chest jutting proudly out, his wife trailing two or three feet behind, and plunks his poodle Beatrice on the table. "HELLO, Doctor!" he booms jovially. "I am here with my best girl! And my wife! hahahahahahahaha!" He loves to make bad jokes. "What's that?" he asks when I give Beatrice dewormer. Beatrice spits it out on the table. "What are ... Read more »
Blessings be with you, Brother Skippy
Skippy's previous owners told me, when I questioned them, that he did not bark. I have a witness, it was asked during the Great Skippy Relinquisition and answered in the negative. I asked this because the answer was important to me. I don't like yippy dogs. Obviously, those previous owners lied. Forked-tongue demons of the most motivated variety they were, because He Barks. Oh, how he barks. It's not the kind of thing you forget, like "does he scratch his ears" or "drag his butt," the sort of ... Read more »
Something old, something new
I like symmetry. Matching pairs make me happy and fulfill my slight OCD tendencies. For the last few years, I really had it perfect: two cats, two dogs, two kids; one boy and one girl of each. Then Mulan died, and things felt off-balance. I didn't want another dog simply to be balanced, though; my intentions were pure. Zoe missed having a dog to play with; Emmett is very ambivalent about the children. Emmett missed having a companion. The cats and my husband could care less. I was thinking in ... Read more »
Another day, another doody
Warm, sunny, 70 degrees. A perfect day for going out in the yard and scooping poop. Normally, this thrilling job is left to my husband, but with the occasional business trip sweeping him away (get it?) I'm left with the less than savory chores. The culprit, of course, is no help. He creates a lot of work. He's 80 pounds, after all, and he eats a lot of food. He also eats a lot of other stuff. Picking up after him is a voyage of discovery. "What is that- tinfoil? Ugh....dissolved diaper ... Read more »
In other unshocking news…
Anyone out there still thinking the old alpha-rolling-your-big-Rottie-technique is a good one? In the latest issue of Applied Animal Behavior Science, a new study reveals that aggressive training methods result in an aggressive pet. According to the study's author, using "confrontational" methods such as the stare-down, growling at the dog, physical punishment, and alpha rolling not only do not correct the problem behavior, they can make aggression worse. This is not news to most veterinary ... Read more »
When satin lined coffins are out of the question
Mulan's ashes arrived back from the pet memorial park in a very nice cedar box. I took the box inside the house, and placed it on the counter next to my keys, whereupon my 4 year old immediately honed in and asked what was in the box. "Memories," I told her, then whisked the box out of her hands before she tried to open it. Right now Mulan is resting on top of the TV. It is the only place where she is safe from kid-hands and misplacement. I feel badly that I haven't picked somewhere more ... Read more »
Bad ideas, part 10
I just finished reading this story on CNN about a chimpanzee attacking and seriously injuring a friend of his owner. It's so sad, for the victim, for Travis who is now dead, and for the owner who, in desperation, stabbed the pet she loved as a child. I have never quite understood the appeal of primates as pets. The overwhelming memory I have from my time studying primate medicine is that of fear- they can MESS YOU UP. Don't get me wrong- I think primates are amazing and astounding creatures. ... Read more »
Practice Limited to Animals Only
I wonder how many people truly think getting a pet is good practice for being the parent of a human. I know countless people who use this as an initial excuse to get a pet, but I'm talking about people who have actually gone and done both. God knows it seems like a good idea at the time, when you are young and dumb, when you have neither. Taking care of one living thing, and doing it well, should naturally be a good predictor of being caretaker to another, right? The first clue I should have ... Read more »
A Day of L’Amour
My pets don't have a lot of money or material things. They have themselves, and that is about it. But what they have, they give freely and without reservation. Emmett gave me 10 kisses, a fishy burp in the face, and a bunch of fur on my new pants. Calypso (she's the grey one) gave me a dulcet love song at 3 in the morning (it went RAAAORWWW OOOORRRAOWR) plus a hairball she personally created, hacked up on my pillow while I was in the shower. Apollo (the black cat) is my Don Juan. He wooed ... Read more »
r u listening?
Not one, not two, but three separate clients were texting while I was trying to talk to them today. Face in phone, tap-tap-tapping as I was trying to explain A) otitis, B) hypothyroidism, and C) vaccine reactions. I tried to give these people the benefit of the doubt that perhaps they were just transcribing what I was saying to someone on the other end, but I’m a little doubtful this was actually the case. It’s bad enough when people are yelling into their phone when I’m in the ... Read more »
Lend me your ear
Today I gave a dog a rabies vaccine. It took an hour and 10 minutes. Pearly was a slightly chubby labrador with some dental disease. She was genial and healthy, and there wasn’t a whole lot to do in terms of the examination. Her owner was a new client, a very sweet older gentleman. A WWII veteran, 87 years old. His joints might be creaky and his step a little slow, but man, there was nothing wrong with his lungs. He talked my receptionist’s ear off. He talked my tech’s ear ... Read more »
A Love Letter to Mulan
I knew buying Marley and Me for the airplane trip was a bad idea. It was inevitable that I was going to read the book at some point, of course- I’m drawn to dog memoirs like flies to garbage- but maybe the timing was just a little off. It’s not like I didn’t know what was coming, after all. Death is part of the package deal, right? That is the Great Dog Story Arc- playful puppy arrives, mischief abounds, dog saves the day, at least one close brush with death, reflection on ... Read more »
California: Making up budget deficits in increasingly stupid ways
This may not be relevant to those of you outside California yet, but with the economy in the dumps it probably will be soon enough. California Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger is attempting to introduce a sales tax on veterinary services as a part of the current budget proposal. Also on the block for sales tax? Furniture and appliance repair, and golf. NOT on the proposal? Every other healing arts profession. Because human health is very important, but animal health is a luxury, apparently. ... Read more »
Some days are great, and some are like this
Mr. Randall is one of my favorite clients. He and his wife adopted a kitten about six months ago from the shelter; over Thanksgiving they got a second kitten to keep him company. Both the cats and the people are just tremendously nice and pleasant, and it’s always a bright spot in my day to see them. He came in to see me because they were concerned that Pawsy, the newer kitten, had worms. His belly looked a little big to him, he explained to the tech. My tech came out of the room shaking ... Read more »
The Accidental Veterinarian
No one ever asks “Why did you decide to become a vet?” It’s a fairly coveted job, up there with ballerinas and astronauts. I imagine “port-a-potty maintenance man” may have to field that question a little more often, but in my case, it’s assumed I was born with a Dr. Doolittle-esque Way With Creatures that dictated this was to be my fate. It is almost a rule. I’m an exception to that rule. I’ve always liked dogs and cats, sure, but I didn’t ... Read more »
Welcome to the Neighborhood
It’s hard being the new kid on the block, no matter where you are. I find introductions to be a little forced and awkward, myself. “Hi, I’m Dr. V, I like Golden Retrievers and Diet Pepsi…” I much prefer to just jump on in and hope a normal working relationship establishes itself. Most of the time this works. When I began at my current practice, there was the normal flurry of resistance from clients used to seeing The Other Doctor, ie, my boss. I don’t blame ... Read more »
