Oh, no. I have all sorts of wonderful new people popping over thanks to the Bloggies and what do I do? Write a post about vomit. I can’t help it. That is what we are all about here, folks. Dogs, cats, Barbies, and vomit. We like to keep it classy over here.
But I’ll make it up to you! I’ve been looking at the questionnaire we give to our new clients, which asks things like number of pets, the food you feed, health history, etc. I think this could be improved upon. In honor of Valentine’s Day and the many hours of junior high I spent taking the Cosmo Quiz of the month, I’ve come up with a new form that I think would be a very accurate predictor of whether a client and I are going to have a successful relationship.
I humbly present:
Pet Peeves- A Client Quiz!
Think you and Dr V are a match made in heaven? Are you and I going to have a beautiful relationship or a cat fight in the alley? Take this quiz to find out!
1. What kind of pets do you own?
A. A bunch of Golden Retrievers or other big dogs
B. Small, yappy dogs or <3 cats
C. Greater than 5 cats
D. Birds and/or tarantulas
2. Of the following, which movie do you like best?
B. Marley and Me
C. I Am Legend
3. You are upset about an event that transpired at your vet office at the last visit. Do you:
A. Call the office
B. Call your friends
C. Call the media
D. Write a scathing essay on Yelp
4. Do you believe all vets are taught nutrition by pet food company lackeys who send them to Hawaii as part of an evil conspiracy?
5. What do you consider your most reliable source of advice on your pet’s health?
A. Your vet
B. The internet
C. Your friend’s roommate’s cousin who used to be a vet assistant in Poughkeepsie
D. Your breeder
6. You catch your dog chewing on a box of what appears to be rat bait. You:
A. Go to the vet
B. Call the vet
C. Administer a concoction you found on a message board
D. Do nothing
7. What are your thoughts about hats on dogs?
B. Eh, I don’t get it but whatever floats your boat.
C. It’s cruel to do that to the poor little dog.
D. REALLY terrible! Dogs belong outside, on chains, with no hats because they are DOGS and that is stupid to put stuff on them.
For each answer: A- 1 point B- 2 points C- 3 points D- 4 points E-100 points
8 points or less: Congratulations! You are a veterinary client Stud! Please come be my client. Please. I’ll stay late.
9-14: We may have our differences, but I certainly think that with the right communication we could have a very good working relationship.
15-19: I will be happy to work with you, but I think our differences may cause some challenges. You might be more comfortable with another vet.
>19: This is going to be hard on the both of us.
>100: Let’s save us both a lot of trouble and not even bother booking the appointment.