Are you a stud or a dud?

Oh, no. I have all sorts of wonderful new people popping over thanks to the Bloggies and what do I do? Write a post about vomit. I can’t help it. That is what we are all about here, folks. Dogs, cats, Barbies, and vomit. We like to keep it classy over here.

But I’ll make it up to you! I’ve been looking at the questionnaire we give to our new clients, which asks things like number of pets, the food you feed, health history, etc. I think this could be improved upon. In honor of Valentine’s Day and the many hours of junior high I spent taking the Cosmo Quiz of the month, I’ve come up with a new form that I think would be a very accurate predictor of whether a client and I are going to have a successful relationship.

I humbly present:

Pet Peeves- A Client Quiz!

Think you and Dr V are a match made in heaven? Are you and I going to have a beautiful relationship or a cat fight in the alley? Take this quiz to find out!

1. What kind of pets do you own?

A. A bunch of Golden Retrievers or other big dogs

B. Small, yappy dogs or <3 cats

C. Greater than 5 cats

D. Birds and/or tarantulas

2. Of the following, which movie do you like best?

A. Up

B. Marley and Me

C. I Am Legend

D. Cujo

3. You are upset about an event that transpired at your vet office at the last visit. Do you:

A. Call the office

B. Call your friends

C. Call the media

D. Write a scathing essay on Yelp

4. Do you believe all vets are taught nutrition by pet food company lackeys who send them to Hawaii as part of an evil conspiracy?

A. No

E. Yes

5. What do you consider your most reliable source of advice on your pet’s health?

A. Your vet

B. The internet

C. Your friend’s roommate’s cousin who used to be a vet assistant in Poughkeepsie

D. Your breeder

6. You catch your dog chewing on a box of what appears to be rat bait. You:

A. Go to the vet

B. Call the vet

C. Administer a concoction you found on a message board

D. Do nothing

7. What are your thoughts about hats on dogs?

A. Hysterical

B. Eh, I don’t get it but whatever floats your boat.

C. It’s cruel to do that to the poor little dog.

D. REALLY terrible! Dogs belong outside, on chains, with no hats because they are DOGS and that is stupid to put stuff on them.


For each answer: A- 1 point    B- 2 points   C- 3 points   D- 4 points   E-100 points

8 points or less: Congratulations! You are a veterinary client Stud! Please come be my client. Please. I’ll stay late.

9-14: We may have our differences, but I certainly think that with the right communication we could have a very good working relationship.

15-19: I will be happy to work with you, but I think our differences may cause some challenges. You might be more comfortable with another vet.

>19: This is going to be hard on the both of us.

>100: Let’s save us both a lot of trouble and not even bother booking the appointment.

Filed: Blog, Daily Life, Musings Tagged: ,
  • Kim

    Oh phew! I hit 9 points, and I think the breed of yappy dogs and amount of cats is the only thing that pushed me over the edge 😉

    • Dr v

      I did leave some slush room there intentionally 😉

  • Vanesha

    7 point woohoo!! I don’t own a dog – something which makes me sad every day so for the purposes of this exercise I borrowed Teal’c, my best friends rescued German Shepherd who is my honorary doggie

    • Aw, I love that. 😀

  • Autumnhound

    I also got 9 points, and I think it was my comment about hats. Also, I was waffling about the rat poison……I would call the vet on the way TO the vets, but there wasn’t an option for that, hah!

    • The hats was definitely the controversial one. lol! As to the ratbait, I score that as a 1. 😀

  • Pikachu

    LOL I loved the questions ,( Small, yappy dogs ) yes that got me to 9 as well , but when they go to the vet they are perfect angels .does that count ??.LOLOLOL you know how it is LOLOL 🙂

    • Small but not too yappy can be a 1.5 😀

  • Lisa W

    I would have only gotten 7 but it was the hats that kept me from the perfect score. If you’re doing it for fun, that’s one thing, but if you’re dressing your dog up as a fashion reflection of yourself, I’m not down with that. So I compromised to option B on that one. Still, only an 8! 🙂

    • Kim

      Ah yes. The hats thing threw me off as well because of my strong anti-“dog as accessories” mentality…

    • I waffle on that one too, definitely the most controversial question. lol

  • I got a 9! Please move to Maine! Or maybe I should move.. or maybe we can clone you! And then spread the awesomeness that is Dr.V all over the world!!

    BTW, my dog may be little, but she is no where near yappy. 😀

    • If your dog is small but not yappy that is ok. 😉

  • I got 9 points, but that was because I’d call my vet first before going in — if only to make them aware of the situation instead of just showing up with an emergency 🙂

    • Oh, I’d score that as a 1 since you still knew to go in. 😉

  • lawgeekgurl

    I’m an 8! To be fair, I tend to be choosy about vets and then keep them forever. Not like in a cage or anything, but you know, as my vet. My current vet upon first meeting not only seemed knowledgeable and patient but during my first office visit/checkup she immediately sat down on the floor and let my monster doggie climb on her lap and smooch her in the face so as to put the monster at ease. After that one incident, I knew she was a keeper.

    • Oh yay, it helps to have that good connection! 😀

  • i passed the test…now if i can only figure out how to get veterinary care from you when i live a few states away, we’d be golden! um…golden retrievers! 🙂

    • I’m working on a Duplicator a la Calvin and Hobbes. 😉

  • Love #4. If I had a Hill’s pen for every time someone accused me of this, I wouldn’t have to spend my mornings combing the clinic for a pen.

    • I know, right? The only time we even get company freebies is at CE conferences.

      Just checked out your blog, too- going to have to add it to my reader! 😀

  • elephant

    11, baby. But I gained extra points for trusting the internet more than my vet ’cause I email you all my Elli questions. So really it should be 7 for secret answer A-1: Dr. V specifically, even if I never have paid her a dime.

    • I don’t count as the internet- you can say your vet *friend* and give yourself a one. 😀

  • Linda

    I got a nine but thats because I can not watch Marley and Me and I have not seen UP yet. I also had an issue with number 1…see I have two big dogs one little dog and 5 cats in the house….I also feed the “hood” cats. So I had to give myself more points for that. Found this site due to the bloggies and I think your a keeper!!!

    • Well, I’m going to give you a one because owning a big dog mitigates the cat thing. 😀 LOL.

  • crazy weinerdog lady

    I scored 9, but that’s only because I have 2 dachshunds which are small but I don’t consider them “yappy”…. BARKY maybe, but not yappy. Toy dogs are yappy but hounds are fierce! LOL

  • Rick

    It was kind of a toss-up between “Up” and “Marley and Me,” but I think the SQUIRREL! decided it. I did pick up an extra point in that, even with our own health, I tend to research other opinions and information besides that of the doctor/vet. I trusted the family doctor a number of years ago, and I now have the surgical scars to prove his opinion was wrong, and that I should have done a bit more research and sought a second opinion. We still visit doctors and vets, but now we also do our own research online and remember that medical people are still human, and not infallible.

  • Dr V-LOL. My hubby just booked my FIRST TRIP TO HAWAII. Hmmm maybe Royal Canin or Hill’s Science Diet (yes people ask if I’m THAT Dr. Hill) will foot the bill so I sell more of their food. Thank you for always making me laugh about the things that routinely really make me upset about being an underpaid, overworked veterinarian. 😉