The Trouble with Barbie

For arguably the most popular girls’ toy of all time, Barbie sure does seem like something concocted by a guy.

May I present to you Exhibit A:

Barbie Pet Vet. Because I can’t help myself, I own several versions of Veterinarian Barbie-excuse me- Pet Doctor Barbie- starting with her 1996 incarnation in chartreuse hot pants. She’s gone through some changes over the years, but this is the first one I’ve seen actually wearing a miniskirt. Make that, a miniskirt that was then hemmed a few inches because darnit, knee length is so constricting. If she wore her outfit on Southwest on the way to a CE meeting, she might get kicked off.

I should also mention that, contrary to previous practitioners, 2009 Pet Vet Barbie works in mixed animal practice, so she sees horses, and one would assume, sheep and goats and other such farm creatures where one might wear, if not pink coveralls, at least denim jeans. I guess the boots were their concession to that.

I need to state for the record that Pet Vet Guy Fantasy Barbie in no way reflects the average practitioner. And even if she did, that outfit is just so obscenely wrong for the job that I can’t even fathom how it would factor into normal kid play.

“Hi Mr. Jones, what brings you to Barbie Pet Clinic today?”

“Well, I’ve heard some great things about you from my friend Joe, so I thought I would bring my pony Bessie to you so you can check her hoof.”

“OK then, so let’s take a look! Hi Bessie!”

“Erm…sorry there Bessie, my knees are a little stiff from Pilates…let’s see here…”

“Well darn, they’re just not bending at all…maybe if I lean this way….almost there…have a carrot, Bessie…”

“There we go! Good girl! Now let’s see that foot!”

*thud*

“Oh my God! Mr. Jones!! Are you all right?”

“Oh yes, yes, I’m fine…so sorry about that, must be the weather….”

Stick Barbie in a bun, some chinos from the Gap, and some Doc Martens, and then we’ll be on our way to Realityville. In the meantime I do kind of dig the pink lab coat.