I am admittedly a huge perfume-a-holic. I have an entire dresser drawer devoted to fragrances- bottles of various scents smelling of fresh ginger, sweet vanilla, fragrant gardenia. I can’t help it. I’m hopelessly addicted.
It’s not the most practical thing to have on hand, for, much like high heeled shoes and dry clean only blouses, this just isn’t something I can use at work. It would be cruel. Dogs, as you know, have noses that are much more sensitive than our own. They can sniff out corpses and bombs and treats in ways we can only dream of replicating. I think of this in the morning when I’m getting dressed for work. I think of people whose eyes run at the mere thought of perfume. I think of my sister’s love of Elizabeth Taylor Passion and how I can still smell it a few days after she’s visited. I think of this, and of the dog’s far superior olfactory receptors, then I skip the perfume drawer. Unless it’s my day off, and Emmett just has to deal.
So why, I ask you, WHY is this product even in existence?
Pepper and Tanky Fragrances for Dogs. For dogs. Yeah, right. Because if there is one thing a dog can’t resist, it’s the smell of bergamot and neroli. This is perfume for people who like their dogs to smell like people. It’s not a new concept, I admit. Take a peek in any pet supply store and there’s no shortage of sweet smelling shampoos, sprays, potions, and creams.
But they make no claims that it’s for the dogs. This is a vastly underserved niche. Therefore, I propose a line of perfume for dogs that really is for dogs:
1. Pepe de pew- top notes of skunk, grounded by patchouli and rotting moss
2. Rollin’ in da poop- raccoon poop mingled with grass clippings and dirt
3. Dumpster Diva- banana peels, sulfur and a basenote of Guinness
4. Eau de Butte- I don’t even know how to describe this but if you were a dog, you’d love it.
5. And we can’t leave out the cats, right? Anyone up for spraying their cat with a douse of parfum de tuna?
Personally, I think this is a great idea. I think these are perfumes I could actually wear at work. I’d be irresistible. Well, to the pets at least.