I was going to tell you about my day, about the poodle who collapsed in full blown anaphylactic shock 5 minutes after getting rabies vaccine and how insane it was, but to be honest I’m a bit exhausted so I wanted to cover an inane topic instead.
I found one.
My normal days, the ones without those life threatening allergic reactions and the like, are composed to a very large degree of three things: ears, skin, and poop. Because of that, you get inured to it after a while, and when someone comes in with a one inch lesion on their dog freaking out about how terrible it looks, your jaded response is, “That little thing? That’s nothing! Ever seen toxic epidermal necrolysis? Now THAT’S gross!”
We don’t get alarmed by poop on the floor, which few people can say with confidence about their workplace. We’re surrounded by it. We make off- color jokes about it sometimes, though scatalogical humor has lost its luster since the good old junior high days. When I ask owners if their pet’s diarrhea is soft serve, pudding, or water, I’m not trying to be amusing- it really does help me out. Bottom line is- poop is poop. It’s just a piece of digested material, not particularly funny or eew or anything, really.
Which is why this is particularly befuddling to me: The poopsqueak store at Monthly Doos. Out of respect for the love you all have shown me, I will refrain from showing you pictures and will let you click the link at your own leisure, should you choose to click on it at all, which I wouldn’t blame you for opting out of. If ever you wanted a fleece dog chew toy shaped like a pile of poo, and I know you do, I’ve found it for you. This is one stop holiday shopping, peeps. You’re welcome.
This begs the question “Who the heck wants a poop shaped chew toy?” And the answer is, “I have no idea, but it must be a lot of people, because this site has a TON of options for all your scatalogical toy needs.” Greeting cards, chocolates, and, uh, a glittery Christmas ornament (which I kind of want to get to send to Amber as a thank you for her years of service.)
There is also the coup de grace, the 2010 poop calendar. Maybe you were thinking of getting the rescue group puppy calendar, or the one with those French soccer players, but let me tempt you with the idea of pictures of plastic toys surrounded by poop piles instead. I’m the last one to point fingers at adults taking pictures of toys for entertainment purposes, but I would support you in calling me a lunatic if I tried to make a Pet Doctor Barbie calendar. Especially if it involved feces in any way.
I’d be willing to forgive it if it were at least artistic poop renditions, but sadly, I’m a little underwhelmed at its artistic merit. In its defense, it did get my mind off my crummy day, but I’m pretty sure it’s something I could live happily without ever having to have seen.