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I had no idea my mere presence was enough to maintain the semblance of law and order, but apparently that is the case in this household. I leave for a week, and all hell breaks loose.
One: My daughter decided to give herself a haircut. Not a trim, mind you, but a full on what-was-once-halfway-down-her-back-is-now-chin-length sort of deal. She did this with kid scissors. Fortunately the baby sitter caught them before my son picked up a pair and decided to give dog grooming a go. I asked her why she did this, and her answer was an ambiguous “I wanted to help.” Help me have a heart attack, maybe.
I briefly debated the merits of letting her wear a half-mullet for a day while mulling on the consequences of her Ken Paves impersonation, but I figured my fellow parents already had a low enough opinion of my parenting skills based on my poop bag improvisation without adding in abject humiliation of a 5 year old, so she was taken on an emergency 8 pm run to Supercuts before the damage went public. On the plus side, a short bob suits her. Thank god.
Two: I also got a call that Brody had tapeworms. “EEEEWWW!” I yelled into the phone. “I don’t understand. He’s been on flea control since day one.” Nonetheless, in the face of uncertainty I went ahead and got him dewormed.
When I got home, my husband pointedly informed me that he just found some more dessicated tapeworm segments. “Where?” I demanded. “On his head,” he told me. I looked.
“Those aren’t rice-like worm segments. Those are actual dried up grains of sushi rice.” This is what happens when you teach a five year old how to make onigiri and then leave for a week. No one knows where the rice originated, or how it wound up on Brody’s head, but there you go.
Things could always be worse, I suppose. They were kid scissors, for one. And I suppose I should be grateful it was sushi rice that Brody got into and not raspberry jam lest his life threatening jamorrhagic injury get me permanently laughed out of the hospital when I got back.
Today’s winner chosen by random.org is #19- Annette! Congratulations!
Not sure what it is about kids, scissors, and hair, but when I was a child, our neighbor’s son decided to have a haircut party with my two sisters, lopping off their beautiful long hair. When he got to me I figured Mom would be mad (she was) and didn’t let him cut mine. Mom hauled my sisters to a barber and they looked like plucked chickens for awhile! Sixty years later we still laugh over the incident.
Laurel, celebrating the love of dogs at http://laurelhuntbooks.com
Well, your trials and tribulations gave me a good first morning laugh or two.
Aw, poor Dr. V. I find the rice story quite amusing. I feel like this is the first time I’ve read your daughter actually acting like a kid and not being really mature for age. It’s very cute. (I’ve read this blog since post 1 because I like your writing style so much when I randomly found it about a year ago.)
Ok, so i read the popo bag incident and laughed so hard, however I was also eating an apple and poop grosses me out. I couldn’t finish my apple.
Been there, done that with the scissors. 🙂 I remember cutting my bangs so short that there was really no salvaging them! And too funny about Brody and the rice. Your family is never boring!
Never cut my own hair as a child thankfully. My mother probably would have killed me because it was waist length by age 5 and then knee length by age 7.
LOL at the “sushi worms.” Poor Brody.
My daughter had the same hair-cutting incident a couple years ago. I, too, blogged about it for the whole world to see :-). http://virginiamadness.blogspot.com/2008/06/rambling-man.html, just scroll down to the paragraph below the adorable guinea pig picture.
I am rolling over here with the whole Brody vs. sushi rice confusion! 🙂
LOL!
I once found dried mustard on my corgi’s head. When I asked my husband about it, he said she had been standing under him while he was fixing a hot dog. Apparently, my beloved has never heard of a plate or a napkin.
When my sister was 8 (and I was 4) she decided to cut MY hair! Disaster….. LOL
See? Everything gets better when you come home!
I should never read your posts while I’m at work. I’m either wiping away tears because I’m trying not to sob or wiping them away because I’m about to fall out of my chair laughing. Hope Mr. Sushi-Head gets rid of those nasty tapeworms soon!
Could your life be more “exciting”? I suspect the things you don’t tell us are far more colorful than anything that happens happens around here.
You do have an interesting household. Makes for great reading. 🙂
If anything, I can always count on a great story from the Dr. V household! Thanks for the smile. I needed it today!
You’re scaring me Dr. V! I’m going away for 2 weeks this summer and am nervous about leaving my cat, guinea pig and betta in the care of a babysitter. At least I know the guinea pig can’t reach the scissors!
I so cut my hair as a child, but it was more out of self preservation (to stop my mother from yelling at me for getting tree sap in my hair. Who ever let me have a hammer and then pointed me in the direction of a nice sappy pine tree deserves the cone of shame) than anything else.
I bet Brody watched you give the onigiri lessons and wanted to try himself. He’s a sushi master in the making.
I think I remember giving my sister a hair trim. She has never forgiven me! I had nice long blonde hair so at least I was smart enough to not cut my own hair!!
Oh My Dr V , too funny for words…….. but so very interesting. 🙂
Those tape worms are nasty, When I first adopted Stanley , he had them, are you sure it wasnt rice on the other end ..?? 🙂
Just kidding.
And people never understand my apprehension in leaving Starr …..
last time it was his eye…this time rice tape worms ( hehe) and a haircut..hmmm me thinks you better not go away anytime soon.. things happens on three’s you know.
That reminds me…when I was little, I wanted to wear make-up like my Mum did. Of course, she wouldn’t let me so I took it into my own hands…with smelly felt markers.
There is this fantastic photo of me in my baby album. I didn’t just stop on my face. I decided to colour the ENTIRE left half of my body. I got to my knee before my Mum found me.
I hope you got some before and after shots of your daughter and her lopsided mullet!
I can only imagine the relief when you identified the tape worms to be rice…..and then envision the shake of your head or roll of the eyes! Glad it’s not tape worms!
Once i thought one of our cats was bleeding through the nose, I ran the vet in a panic imagining all kinds of brain injuries, hemmorages etc….turned out he’d decided to sniff a potted cactus and it had spiked him on the nose. crisis averted.
When we were kids my brother got jam in his hair. Fearing this would make my mom mad he fixed it… with scissors.
Much to his confusion my mom was still mad.
lol!
I would have been interesting to see their version of a dog groom though! 😉
man i cant believe i missed tues n wens… ughhh
i hope i get it!
LOL! Sushi rice … that was the best. Sorry about the tapeworms though! =/
Oh My Dr V , too funny for words…….. but so very interesting. 🙂
Those tape worms are nasty, When I first adopted Stanley , he had them, are you sure it wasnt rice on the other end ..?? 🙂
Just kidding.