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I had no idea my mere presence was enough to maintain the semblance of law and order, but apparently that is the case in this household. I leave for a week, and all hell breaks loose.
One: My daughter decided to give herself a haircut. Not a trim, mind you, but a full on what-was-once-halfway-down-her-back-is-now-chin-length sort of deal. She did this with kid scissors. Fortunately the baby sitter caught them before my son picked up a pair and decided to give dog grooming a go. I asked her why she did this, and her answer was an ambiguous “I wanted to help.” Help me have a heart attack, maybe.
I briefly debated the merits of letting her wear a half-mullet for a day while mulling on the consequences of her Ken Paves impersonation, but I figured my fellow parents already had a low enough opinion of my parenting skills based on my poop bag improvisation without adding in abject humiliation of a 5 year old, so she was taken on an emergency 8 pm run to Supercuts before the damage went public. On the plus side, a short bob suits her. Thank god.
Two: I also got a call that Brody had tapeworms. “EEEEWWW!” I yelled into the phone. “I don’t understand. He’s been on flea control since day one.” Nonetheless, in the face of uncertainty I went ahead and got him dewormed.
When I got home, my husband pointedly informed me that he just found some more dessicated tapeworm segments. “Where?” I demanded. “On his head,” he told me. I looked.
“Those aren’t rice-like worm segments. Those are actual dried up grains of sushi rice.” This is what happens when you teach a five year old how to make onigiri and then leave for a week. No one knows where the rice originated, or how it wound up on Brody’s head, but there you go.
Things could always be worse, I suppose. They were kid scissors, for one. And I suppose I should be grateful it was sushi rice that Brody got into and not raspberry jam lest his life threatening jamorrhagic injury get me permanently laughed out of the hospital when I got back.
Today’s winner chosen by random.org is #19- Annette! Congratulations!