This week marks my daughter’s second week of first grade.
The first week of first grade was rather tough. They don’t post the list of classes until one day before- of course this is done by design, to avoid the principal being hunted down at her home by hordes of “concerned” helicopter parents wanting to discuss the reasoning behind Timmy’s classroom assignment.
Of course, my daughter was given the one assignment I didn’t want her to have- a combination class with a group of first and second graders. My reaction was so immediate and visceral that I thought I was going to vomit right then and there in the hallway.
I didn’t think I was going to be that kind of parent, the one who freaks out over things that in the big picture are probably pretty inconsequential, but there you go. I guess I am.
Because my daughter is pretty much a younger incarnation of me I was able to pinpoint my concerns right away. I don’t have any concerns about her abilities academically. She’s a smart cookie. Au contraire, I was much more concerned for her social well-being as far and away the youngest kid in the room, one smart enough to keep up but maybe not savvy enough to know she’s being a little nerdy.
I spent the entire night in a sleepless panic, imagining her sitting alone in the dust on the side of the playground while the other girls laughed at her glasses.
“You’re projecting,” said my husband, and of course he is right. But that doesn’t stop me from worrying.
“I’ll just share my concerns with the teacher,” I thought, and got to school a little early that first morning. As did every other parent in the school who has some worry or another. There was already a line in front of the beleaguered principal’s office, and classes hadn’t even begun yet.
I met the teacher, and immediately felt ten times worse than before. My sense of foreboding went through the roof. Fifty red flags were screaming “DANGER!! SHE IS GOING TO RUIN YOUR CHILD!” and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why, as she is actually a very kind and well regarded teacher.
After a second sleepless night spent wondering if I had now blown her chances at getting into a good college, it finally hit me: her first grade teacher is a dead ringer for Charity McKay, the most dastardly internal medicine resident ever to terrorize the halls of Davis during my tenure there. Beneath her bubbly facade was the heart of a rabid killer: lord help you if you didn’t remember the sodium content in a bag of Lactated Ringer’s.
A snotty senior student tried to correct her once. She ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. We cowered in terror when her 5’1 shadow darkened the corridor, signaling the impending arrival of our doom.
So here I am, still neatly conditioned one decade later to a submissive huddle at the mere suggestion of her, and now her doppelganger is in charge of my daughter’s development.
No matter. I can be reasonable. I can’t imagine she would have gotten very far in her career as a teacher if she actually devoured small children as I suspected Dr. McKay might do on the weekends, so I’m going to be open minded and give her the benefit of the doubt.
But if she mentions at any point she has a sister who’s a vet, I’m joining the line outside the principal’s office.
Welcome to the world of parenting a school-aged child. You will find that one of the hardest things you do as a parent is allow your child to go through all the ups and downs of the education system and, as much as possible, let them do this for themselves.
My son survived a teacher who didn’t like boys, survived another who thought he was disturbed because he was writing horror stories in grade school (he was also reading Stephen King at the time because his Grandmother liked him), and other teachers who made assumptions about him based on what was said in the teachers lounge.
Along the way, he learned that the establishment is not always right OR wrong, that he CAN think for himself, that he needs to pick his battles, and that there are consequences for his words and actions, both good and bad. He survived all that to get a college degree and a job he LOVES.
You will find that letting your daughter make her own good decisions is just as hard as watching her make a bad one, but God willing, you will both survive them.
From what I have seen here, you will give her the information and tools she needs to grow up to be quite a young woman, but it will be hardest on you and your husband, because unlike Brody, when things aren’t going like you want, you can’t put her in the kennel or take her home from the dog park!
It’s a fun ride, Doc, and when it’s over (is it ever really?) you will miss it, believe me!! God bless you!
And this is one of the many reasons I’m glad that we have 4 legged children & not 2 legged ones. Good luck!
As someone who has never raised her own children, I know all about the subject (NOT!).
But I’ve observed that kids with caring families exposed to lots of interesting things their entire life, seem to do great no matter what challenges come up. If the combined class isn’t your first choice for your daughter, having her go through it may be one of those wonderful experiences that polishes her into the wonderful young woman she’ll grow into.
Very funny post, BTW.
Our experience with a combined class did not go well. It did not have anything to do with the older children either. Hope yours goes better.
My daughter had a very supportive family from all directions and yes she has grown up to be an amazing women. One I am so proud of it almost makes me cry to say it. But, were I able to change that period of time I would. Good luck.
Your daughter sounds an awful lot like me when I was that age. I did go through a split class (I was in the 3rd grade with 4th graders), and I must say that it was actually one of the better years of school for me. Yes, being younger may make it more difficult, but being the slightly nerdy, creative kid I was, having time in school to work on special projects (when teacher was working with the other grade level), and being challenged academically by the other grade level, really helped me grow academically and socially. My understanding is that they choose very carefully which kids they think can handle the split class, and so I’m sure they didn’t just choose your daughter out of a hat, some thought went into whether or not the teachers thought she would fit in. It is HARD to get over first impressions though…
Anyway, just some thoughts from a person who has had dogs for 20 years but no kids…
I was in two “multi-age” class rooms (Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd in one and then later on 3rd and 4th). As a younger kid, it was a bit harder for me socially, but I think that had more to do with the students and less about the structure. What I did like was that you really got to meet more students than those just in your class/who you’ll graduate with. It also afforded me the opportunity to be able to go up in a subject (I was an advanced reader so I was always lumped in with the older kids, and then as an older kid I was afforded the opportunity to kind of do my own independent study type thing) if I needed too. I’m sure you’re daughter’s peers won’t be too hard on her. Elementary school is quite a breeze compared to the social hell that is middle school.
Sylvia up there is my mom. Yeah, the 1st grade / 2nd grade class that I was in 27ish years ago was a nightmare.
So many of us first graders had issues with it, that they actually changed it and hired another 1st grade teacher so they could split the class back up into two seperate grades. I don’t think any of us ever fully “recovered” from what that time did to us, education-wise.
And it wasn’t the teacher, because we all really REALLY liked her, it was just the fact that there is a HUGE scary difference between 1st graders and 2nd graders, and we were all terrified the whole time.
Us 1st graders had been placed in that class because we were a little advanced. The 2nd graders were in that class because they were a little behind. I guess the theory is that technically we were at the same level and this was the alternative to having to hold back those 2nd graders a year.
All it really ended up doing was setting US back and scarying the crap out of us.
I SO SO SO SO hope that your daughter has a MUCH MUCH MUCH better experience than I did.