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The Dog Ate My Fashion Sense

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Oh, there were so many choices here, so many hideous items out there for us pet lovers. Where did we go wrong? Are we forever doomed to the land of fanciful vests and fanny packs, or is there still hope for redemption?

The good news is everyone recognized “ugh” when they saw it, so I say yes, we should not despair. It took me some time to whittle down the choices, but I think it was worth the wait. So without further ado, I present to you in no particular order the finalists in the Inaugural Reader’s Choice Best of the Best (or should it be the Worst of the Worst?)

1. Horse Sweater from the Fashion Police Blog

It’s the fringe that really seals the deal for me. That, or maybe the illusion that a horse is about to pluck a carrot from your bosom.

2. Sky Horse Soaring Over Mt Rushmore Sequined Thing.

This is why peyote and a bedazzler don’t mix. Reader Jeanine astutely points out how the design continues onto the sleeves, because otherwise it would just be tacky.

3. Night Ape Hoodie

They called it a Night Ape, not me. If you had to ask me, I’d have said it was a zombie chihuahua. Oh Etsy, we can always count on you.

4. Dog Lover’s Jacket

This bears an uncanny resemblance to 99% of the scrubs out there for veterinary professionals, but I digress.

OK! So once you’ve selected your top from the above offerings, it’s time to round out your outfit.

5. Cat Leggings

It’s what all the trendy cat ladies are sporting these days. Just ask Lindsey Lohan! (or not.) They work especially well under the following-

6. Rainbow Cat Tank Dress!

ooh la la! Look at the poor model- even she can’t believe she has to wear that. She’s shrinking into it in shame.

7. Princess Butterfly Cadet Cap.

There is much that could be said about this, but none so succinctly as reader Emily’s commentary: “I would like to nominate the “Gorgeous Princess Butterfly Cadet/Military Cap Hat,” which would resemble a five-year-old’s craft project if it did not have the woman in the brassiere holding the cat on the brim.”

I love my readers. Know what’s scary? I could have sworn I saw my daughter’s room mom wearing this the other day, but maybe I was distracted by the Ed Hardy tank.

8. Cavalier Spaniel Shoes

Because every outfit needs shoes (see Cat Dress model), I had to include these even though they’re not that bad. I think my mom has the Lhasa Apso version of these somewhere in the depths of her closet. I could totally see Hef oozing around the mansion in these.

So now that your eyeballs are pained, should we have a little palate cleanser before I show you the winner? Here’s 3 things I actually liked:

The Hamster Costume of Cuteness! Can you hear the Hamster Dance song in your head now? (You’re welcome.)

The Sydney Love Dog purse– The first dog purse I’ve seen since the Lulu Guinness set that I would happily wear around, and these are much less expensive. Thanks Val!

And finally, kudos to the brave Cathey for sending me a picture of a jacket of her own making: dubbed “Terriers on a Sea of Plaid.” I dig the pop Warhol vibe. Well done!

Puppy Jacket

OK, eyes refreshed? Ready for the winner? This item has it all: orange sequins, a stand up collar,  shoulder pads, and the ‘cool’ factor (if you can call it that) of being vintage:

Stephanie, your horrible My Little Acid Tripping Pony Jacket is the winner! Let me know if you’d like the Bissell or the Tyrannosaur clip. This certainly earned it.

Which one horrified you the most?

Reader Interactions

Comments

  4. This was too much fun! I knew I wasn’t the only one – but I am AMAZED at the array of really bad animal items out there! Thanks (I think!) for choosing my walking train wreck. I’m not sure I can ever wear it out of the house again!!

  7. Here is my theory on these items. Normal animal lovers, say those who have horses in their lives, would never in a million years buy sweater #1. You know who buys it? Relatives who present said item as a gift to the animal lover and expect her to wear them. “Oh! Doesn’t that horse on the shoulder look exactly like Linda’s horse? I must buy it for her!” Thank heavens my mom isn’t computer savvy or I’d have a dozen.

    • “You know who buys it? Relatives who present said item as a gift to the animal lover and expect her to wear them.” You are exactly right there! I have been the recipient of such gifts. Yikes!

    • That is so, so very true. I was in the garage the other day and found all the Precious Moments “My Vet” stuff my relatives sent me years ago.

    • I can also confirm that this is true. It’s how I ended up with a blue velvet square zippered purse with a felt horsehead and blue marble “accents” glued onto it. My mother-in-law (bless her) gave it to me because she “knew I would love it!” since it had a horse on it.

  8. #5, 6, 7, 8, and the sequined jacket = perfect outfit. (Though for what I don’t know. Terrifying my dog?)

  10. holy CRAP that is some awesomely Hideous clothing!!
    but I Really loved the name for that crazy-ass jacket! My Little Acid Tripping Pony?!
    HAWT!! 🙂

  16. Oh so funny!! I have to say I like (dislike?!) #1 the most (least?!) They’re all really horrifying/enticing in one way or another. (And La Lohan would probably wear the cat tights, but she’d wear them as pants! 🙂 )

  18. Wow! Exciting! There is some simply horrifying horse-related clothing out there though! I would LOVE the Bissel – we just got a new puppy and are currently waging (and losing) a war on hair and crumbs! I would go for the clip but at this point, it’s one more thing I’d have to stop the puppy from chewing/ingesting. LOL!

  20. Wow… those were some impressive choices! The cat tights and tank dress are just begging to be worn together. If it’s cold out, you could always layer the winning jacket on top!