My daughter had a dance recital this weekend. Instead of flowers, the in-laws thought to get her something a little more long-lasting and picked up a Fur Real stuffed dog thing she has been wanting. She was very happy about this.
A day later, she was upstairs, playing with some friends politely and quietly. This usually means trouble, so I popped in to check on them. The first clue something was amiss was the pungent odor of nail polish, which is supposed to be one of those “only under adult supervision” sorts of things, which my daughter theoretically knows.
“Were you painting your nails?” I asked her.
“Noooooo,” she said in an indignant tone. “I know I’m not allowed to do that by myself. Sheesh.”
And she then went back to using the nail polish brush as a mascara wand on her new stuffed animal.
So the first words out of my mouth were, “I am not happy about this.”
The second words, which I bit back before getting out, were, “That is truly not much of an improvement, you know.”
My annoyance at this stuffed animal abuse quickly turned to amusement. As a veterinarian, I couldn’t help but make an armchair diagnosis of the maladies she had inflicted upon it:
Hematemesis, clearly. Maybe some sort of GI ulceration causing that blood-tinged vomit. Nasty problem, there.
Nasal discharge- maybe kennel cough? -and what appears to be a melting corneal ulcer. That bilateral ocular discharge looks pretty funky. Ow.
And, of course, a hotspot. Poor dog.
I got where she was going with everything except that last bit there. Maybe she really did just spend too much time with me at work.
In the meantime, I’m debating whether I should give acetone a shot or simply let this form of modern art stand on its own merits. Perhaps I was simply misinterpreting my daughter’s artistic vision this whole time.
I’ve seen similar pieces at the Museum of Contemporary Art, now that you mention it. “Revlon Rover: using a Hasbro toy and nail polish, the artist reflects on the juxtaposition of the desire for posh designer breeds and the medical maladies inflicted upon them in the puppy mill environment.” Look, she even got the ear tags right.
My God. My daughter is a genius.
Deb Mendez says
Another wet computer screen this morning! How funny and warped you are — and I love it!
And how thoughtful she is, protecting that sweet pup’s feet from the hot pavement when they go for a walk in this heatwave! I *am* curious about that last bit. Too funny! Thanks for sharing!
the cat guy says
i’m curious about the socks… what are they hiding.
Lisa W says
Hilarious! I think you should leave the artwork to stand the test of time. 😉
I say leave it… but only because the acetone might melt or eat the fur?
I am truly laughing out loud. You had me at at the diagnosis of hematemesis.
Jess @InStyleDog says
Can I just tell you the dog was named Acetone based on “I’m debating whether I should give acetone a shot …”
And my guess on that last bit is that it’s a heart. That’s what it would have been when *I* was little 🙂
My first thought was a heart too. 🙂
Jess @InStyleDog says
Edit to the above: I THOUGHT the dog was named Acetone …
Dr. V says
Ha! I totally missed that pun.
HA!! I laughed so loud my co-workers had to come check it out. And PLEASE do not remove! that is so classic; and I’m sure she is very proud of her makeover; the stuff on the chest is surely a brooch or a flower or some sort of designer trademark! When all else fails, ask your daughter 🙂 I have a 4 y/o daughter….I’m sure my future is full of stuff like this.
Oh my goodness – I can only imagine what the pup looks like in motion when it is doing the “fur real” thing.
Totally TOO funny!
Adorable. Wouldn’t change a thing about the newest addition to your family!
Kolchak & Jodi says
This cracked me up! Noway would I change a single thing. That pup is perfect!
Pup Fan says
Hilarious post! Also, at least it was a stuffed animal… once, my sister decided to color my dog with one of her markers. My sister was 3, and the dog was a good sport who just sat there while she did it. Took me forever to get that off!