Guest Post: The Cat’s Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

By Romeo the Cat

There seems to be some confusion as to whether or not zombies will attack pets or other animals.  When I assigned my staff this research project, it appeared at first that pets are not typically the targets of zombie attacks.

I’ve come to learn that this isn’t entirely true. Some zombies attack pets and some do not. According to The U.S. Zombie Tactical Squad, here are the different types of zombies and whether or not they are interested in eating pets.

Zombies that Will Attack Animals:

• Nuclear Fallout Zombies
• Viral Zombies
• Bacterial Zombies
• Voodoo Zombies

Zombies that Will Only Attack Humans

• Chemical Zombies
• Niño-Zombies
• Techno-Zombies
• Other Miscellaneous

In my opinion, it’s probably best to be prepared all the way around. And so, I give you Romeo the Cat’s Guide to Preparing for and Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse.

1. Stockpile your food before the zombie attack happens. If you can set aside a little bit of kibble every day, you may be able to build yourself a nice little stash of food in case you must stay inside because of a zombie attack and/or if your staff has already been eaten by zombies.
2. Use your skills. Luckily, zombies can’t climb.  But cats can. In case of a zombie attack, get high, baby, and stay there!
3. If you happen to find yourself outside and there are zombies about, you can probably outrun them for a while. When you do take cover, get your furry butt to a Petco, Target or somewhere that sells cat food. You don’t want to hole yourself up in a Macy’s; that would be foolish.
4. Stay out of the windows. I know it’s hard not to hang out in the windowsill and observe everything going on outside but don’t draw attention to your bad self.
5. You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat? This couldn’t be truer during a zombie attack.  Keep a low profile.
6. Make yourself useful.  If your staff is still human, offer your best comforting skills. Purring, head butts and snuggling go a long way in making yourself indispensible to humans who are freaking out. If your staff has been eaten or zombiefied, team up with the human who takes charge. They could end up as the new world’s warlord and you need to align with the top dude.
7. This one is for you more dim-witted kitties out there…..don’t bite the zombies!
8. Keep your mouse-catching skills sharp.  Many of us house cats have gotten “soft.”  Tap into your instincts and practice catching prey well in advance of an apocalypse. If you survive and your humans don’t, there won’t be anyone to open cat food cans. Just sayin’.
9. Use the buddy system but limit your numbers. It’s useful to hang with one or two other cats but no one’s safe when there’s dozens of you together, roaming the streets. Choose a few smart cats and stick together.
10. Watch the tail, yo. While it’s true that you can most likely outrun a zombie, if you don’t have much of a head start, those grabby zombies might catch a hold of your tail and then you’re done.

Kitty friends, any other advice to offer up to your fellow felines?