Crushes are a terrible thing, really. I mean, they are fun at first, when you get that wobbly-in-the-knees breathlessness, those daydreaming flights of fancy that knock you off balance. The heady combination of possibilities and “wow, we are SO well matched” wonderment can be downright addictive. But when the object of your affections doesn’t reciprocate, those overwhelming feelings can instead be downright painful. Perhaps, one might think, it’s better to go with the safe choice instead of the crazy one. Let go of your delusions, accept reality, and buckle down. The sooner you let go, the better.
Easier said than done.
As I’ve written about in the past, we’ve been trying to move for some time. As we’ve had our house on the market for six months and my visions of starting a new life in Crazy Town started to curdle, I had to tell myself that maybe my life with Crazy Town was simply not to be. One, our house wasn’t selling. Two, even if it did, there was nowhere to buy in Crazy Town. School had started, the housing market is frozen, and the romantic vision of a cottage by the beach was starting to recede into a lovely but bittersweet unfulfilled dream.
Time to be an adult, I realized. Wait a few months until after the new year. Pull the house off the market, focus on getting through the holidays, and then, in February, we could get back on the merry go round of house showings. And maybe turn our focus back to Ticky Tacky Town, that lovely but soulless enclave of suburbia filled with identical landscaping and well coiffed trophy wives on their way to Pilates. It would be just fine. There are always houses to be had there. I had accepted that this was the responsible thing to do.
And then it happened. On the last day, on the day I told the realtor to get his butt over to the house and remove the For Sale sign and stop pestering me with fruitless parades of endless useless showings, the house sold. ON THE LAST DAY.
I had already given up. We were done. I wasn’t prepared for this. And now, in October, we have to decide what to do.
Because we felt obligated, we decided to go and see the only two homes for sale in Crazy Town, even though neither was what we really needed. I wasn’t sure I was wanting to let Crazy Town back into my life when I had just gotten over it. I was leery of letting the object of my affections back under my skin, but I said to myself, I can be strong. I’m done with Crazy Town.
I got there a bit ahead of the meeting with the realtor. I got my ear pierced (some of you saw that on Facebook), because it’s the kind of town where you can get both kale juice and a piercing with little fuss. I wandered over to the local coffee roasters, drawn by the numerous dogs tied out front. I sat in the sun with my coffee, trying not to touch my tender ear, and watched the world wander lazily by.
I saw this dog.
This dog wanted to be touched and loved and petted. I saw him sitting hopefully by his bench, like me, waiting for something interesting to happen.
He said hello to other dogs in passing. He had some water.
Then he got smart.
He realized that if he walked over to the other side of the sidewalk, he would in effect create a road barrier, and people would have no choice but to stop and assess the situation.
NONE SHALL PASS without pets
He caught many people in his web.
I watched this family approach. The mother, seeing me observing, asked me if this was my dog. I shook my head no.
“I just want to know if he can pet him,” she said nervously. I looked around, waiting for the owner to come forward, but since there was none to be had, I decided the universe was ok with me telling both her and her child how to determine whether or not this was a safe situation.
Rather than say yes you can, or no you can’t, I figured I might as well teach them a skill they could use in the future. And because Crazy Town is cool like that, no one got annoyed, and we had a good time, and we all learned something.
I sat by the bench after this, so the dog could sit on my feet and suffuse me with his lovely Golden warmth. All the thoughts about responsible choices and settling down and letting go of silly romantic notions- poof, evaporated with one sweet kiss from an overly clever Golden. If ever there was a sign from the universe that it wasn’t time yet to give up on Crazy Town, this was it.
So maybe we haven’t found the right house yet. Maybe we will have to suffer through a double move and some time in an apartment if we want to make our infatuation a reality and find a place there. I don’t care. I’m on cloud nine. Safe choices be damned, I’m head over heels for this town, and it will be mine.