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Brain Food

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Did you know tomorrow is National Donut Day? Donuts have always held a special place in my family’s heart. Mystical, you might even say.

I grew up in New England, where Dunkin Donuts are as ubiquitous as Starbucks and McDonalds. Driving through for a box of Munchkins was our way of celebrating, commiserating, or simply getting a sugar fix.

For my grandfather, the Dunk was also a neighborhood gathering place where he went to shoot the breeze, down a jelly donut with a coffee regular (it’s a Massachusetts thing), and read the newspaper. Always a neatly folded newspaper. At his memorial service, there was actually an entire Dunkin Donuts contingent who came to pay their respects, which made me feel better about sneaking a bag of Munchkins into his hand at the wake. It’s what he would have wanted.

When my parents moved to California in the mid-80s, we lost that donut connection, because Californians aren’t really that into donuts. They became a special occasion sort of thing, and with that excuse my mother made sure that when we got them, they weren’t just regular old donuts but those big chocolate slathered cream puff monstrosities. It was our homage to the past, comfort food for the sweets obsessed.

When Emmett was diagnosed with lymphoma, I bought him a doggie donut because, well, what else are you supposed to do. Enjoy your donuts while you can and party on. I took what to be a bit of an iconic photo that sort of defines this blog:

donut
When life gives you lemons, throw them away and eat a donut because making lemonade is way too much work.

My son turned 9 yesterday, and as I was planning what treat he wanted to bring into school for his classmates, I asked him: “Cupcakes or popsicles?”

“Donuts,” he promptly replied. “OK,” I said, “you shall have birthday donuts.”

At 5 am on his birthday, he crawled into bed with me. “I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “I’m just so excited about my birthday.”

At 5:30 on his birthday, my mother died.

And so we sat, dumbstruck, for a bit and attended to the things one must attend to, and then my dad and I sat on the bed side by side and said, “Now what are we supposed to do?”

So we went and got some !@#$!#@!#@!# donuts.

mom1
You can be sad and happy at the same time. That is the joy and pain of being human.

So when I say I’m happy tomorrow is National Donut Day, I mean it. It is a day to not only eat a literal donut, which I hope you do, but to put aside the petty crap of who bought the best end of the school year gift and whether or not your net carbs are coming in under 30 grams, but to say,

“I AM EATING A DONUT BECAUSE I CAN AND I AM GOING TO ENJOY IT, DAMMIT.” Because one day, you might wish you had.

Eat a

And if you want to make me smile, I would love if you- or your dog, or you and your dog*- have a donut in Pat’s honor tomorrow (or today, who cares) and share a photo of you enjoying it with me. We would both love that. And for every photo here, on Twitter, or Instagram with the #brainfood I will donate a dollar up to, I don’t know, $500, to the National Brain Tumor Society because Mom still had a lot of donuts left in her to enjoy, dammit, and two months was not nearly enough time to let her know that.

FullSizeRender
Mother’s Day, 2015 at the beach. Each day is a gift and a chance to eat a donut.

*And by donut for your dog, I mean dog treats shaped like donuts, or other your-dog-appropriate ring shaped goods

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Jessica, as always, beautifully written. I lost my mom 18 years ago today. I am sending you and your family our love. And…we are going to eat donuts.

  3. I am so, so, sorry and I will for sure share a donut tomorrow in honor of your mama

  4. Here’s to Pat. You and your family are in the prayers and on the minds of my family and I.

  5. I am so sorry. There is never enough time to be with those we love. I will have a donut tomorrow in honor of your mother.

  6. I used to own a cat “Tigger” who LOVED plain donuts.. loved them. We used to randomly buy one munchkin and bring it home to him and give him pieces through the night or next day. One day my husband gave him a piece of donut and Tig looked very expectantly at him and my husband asked what he wanted.. Tig very gently reached out and tapped his coffee cup.

    It was years after he left that I could walk past a munchkin and not immediately think of him.

  7. “You can be sad and happy at the same time. That is the joy and pain of being human.”
    love this….
    will be having a donut tomorrow and will check back in with said photo

    • “When life gives you lemons, throw them away and eat a donut because making lemonade is way too much work.” – love this too…. I am starting a sheet of Dr. V quotes…

  8. The nearest donut is a 20-minute drive from our house, but I’ll see if I can find one soon to share. All my love to all of you at this important time.

  9. You have the guidebook to happy living memorized. I knew from reading your blog the past few weeks, what you’ve been going through, and when I saw today’s blog was donut themed, I guessed it was your way of telling us about your loss. My family will definitely eat donuts tomorrow in memory of your mom and also a symbolic reminder of the sweet things life has to offer. Thank you also for giving us a new way to celebrate life’s events. So glad your son has a smile on his face. Please wish him happy birthday from a huge fan of your blog.

    • Thank you Debbie. It was so surreal to spend the afternoon having a birthday party but I know, in a deep and visceral sense, that Mom was there, and was so happy we were doing that. She loved birthdays as much as she did donuts.

  10. Cancer sucks – Donuts rock!! Donuts it is – in honor or your Mom! Happy belated birthday to your son. Sending much Aloha and healing thoughts for your family. {{{HUGS}}}

  11. my deepest sympathy…definitely a doughnut day tomorrow…they are a big deal here in Canada…

  13. I am so sorry for your loss. I’ll down a donut in your Mom’s honor and raise it high to her strength.

  14. Doughnus are a huge deal in Canada. We even had a tv show competition for them called doughnut show down. I like to make my own. In your moms honour…Home made maple bacon doughnuts #brainfood (sorry some fell into my mouth before I took the photo)

  15. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a mom (or dad) is not easy…no matter a good or bad or so-so relationship.
    I do not have a donut shop in the town where i live, but if i did, Myself my 4 OES and my kitty would all have one for you, your mom, your dad and your kids.
    May you find peace……….

  16. Unfortunately I am gluten free but I am going to make my gluten free donuts (yes they are really good) and have one in honor of Emmet and your mother. Thinking of your family at this time. Michelle from Boston, Ma

  17. I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mom. I will have a donut tomorrow and bring home one to share with my two donkeys in her memory.

  18. What a thoughtful idea this is, Jessica. I hope it gives you and your family, especially your dad, a tiny bit of comfort to know that people–strangers–in various places around the world are having a donut or other roundish indulgent item in honour of your mum.

    Doggy can’t join in since he is on a restricted diet, but he got an extra long cuddle after I read this post. I’ve made a donation to the Australian Cancer Research Foundation and…

    *stands* *raises muffin high,* To Pat!

    • Thank you Von! It sounds really silly but you are so right, it really is comforting to know that so many friends around the world are taking a moment from their busy lives to pause and honor this woman they don’t know. It really does mean the world.

  19. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I didn’t get a chance to read this before I dropped off my family’s donuts today as I would have definitely taken a picture. I have no doubt that your mom wold have wanted you all to enjoy those donuts.

  20. Beautiful post. Our sincere condolences to you and your family Jessica. Eating donuts is no prob because they are my absolute favorite. Today I will try out out a new flavor that I’ve never had (maybe maple and bacon) in honor of Pat.

  21. Tried this on FB, not sure I did it right (so let’s see if I can do it here) #brainfood. Thank you for sharing beautiful memories.

  22. I have heard so much about Timbits and never knew what they were. I love that your dogs are donut dogs too.

    • Here you go. Daisy was clearly initially horrified that these were dog treats, not Timbits, but she overcame it. Rosa had no issues!

  23. A donut selfie for your sweet mama. Also we’ll be making a donation (donut-ation?) to the National Brain Tumor Society in her honor. xoxo

  24. I am so sorry Dr. V. In honor of your Mom, and because life deserves to be enjoyed, here I am enjoying a Boston Kreme donut from Dunkies. (I went to BU. Two of my best friends are from Winthrop. I understand the power of The Dunk.) #brainfood

  25. Pre and post donut joy (sorry they’re sideways). Will be making a don(un)ation to National Brain Tumor Society also. #BrainFood #InHonorOfPat #DonutsforPat

  26. I missed this, but will think of your mom next time I stop by the good ol’ DD. I miss being able to order a medium regular coffee and not getting the cream and sugar by virtue of saying “regular”.

    Love to you and yours!

  28. Celebrating Donut Day #inPatsHonor #brainfood #donutsforPat

  29. My sincerest condolences. I am away on vacation, returning tomorrow. I will celebrate a donut with my handsome Doby mix Rico in memory of your mom, Emmett, and my beloved Niki ( husky mix) whom I lost to a brain tumor a month ago. #inPatsHonor #brainfood #donutsforpat

    • Safe travels home, and I will happily raise a donut in cheer to Rico as well! I am so sorry for your loss. What sweet faces.

  30. You and your family are in my prayers. Will have a doughnut in memory of Pat, your Mom tomorrow. And tell your son Happy 9th Birthday!!!

  31. Clover was too polite to take a bite, so it’s a good thing I got her a donut-like toy too.

  32. Been thinking about you and your family these last few days. Just now getting to store to actually get that donut to capture the “just cuz I can” photo. Although I never met her, your mother is an inspiration. So, here’s to you, Pat. Thank you for sharing your (and hers) story with us.

  33. The neighbors and neighbor children helped put 4 yards of mulch in our gardens on Saturday. We all worked very hard but it was actually fun. This may in part have been due to the fresh donuts that we had midway through the project. The dog had a tiny bit of my apple fritter-because I didn’t have time to get a dog treat donut. No photos were taken. My sympathies on your mother’s passing. Love the Mother’s day 2015 photo. I want that maple bacon doughnut/donut recipe too!

  34. I was not going to get a donut to celebrate National Donut Day but your post last week inspired me to – my dog Val wanted to share how much she enjoyed celebrating! Cheers to you and to your mom – what a beautiful tribute your post ‘Brain Food’ was in her memory!