Utility Bar

  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Pawcurious: With Veterinarian and Author Dr. V

Celebrating the truth that pets make people better.

  • RSS
  • LinkedIn
  • YouTube
  • Google +
  • Goodreads
  • Pinterest
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Home
  • About
    • Bio
    • FAQ
  • Speaking
  • Pet Expert
  • Writing
  • Books
    • All Dogs Go to Kevin
    • Press
  • Blog
    • Picks of the Litter
    • Popular Posts
  • Contact
You are here: Home / Featured Posts / Life is Short. Buy the Boots.

Life is Short. Buy the Boots.

May 5, 2016 by Dr. V

sunset-401331_1280

If grief were a color, it would be slate. Not an angry obsidian black, or a peaceful dove grey, but that shapeshifting silver somewhere between black and white, a stormy sea that some days seems blue, others almost brackish, depthless and impossible to truly describe.

If it were a shape, it would be a spiral, a shape you ride on in a neverending loop of centrifugal force splattering you against the wall whether you will it or not, bringing you back again and again to the same spot, from a slightly different vantage point.

helix

 

I imagine that grief counselors are well versed in this, which is why every bad day seems to be preceded by a call from the chaplain, who senses it like a dog knows an earthquake is coming. The last one had come just before Christmas.

“It’s Chaplain Gary. How are you?”

“Fine.” And I am fine, until I remember that I’m supposed to be upset, and then I am.

The most recent call came on the one year anniversary, if you can call it that, of the date my mother became ill. The season has returned to set the backdrop for the nightmare month of May: lengthening days, long afternoons, and the scent of blooming jasmine wafting over the chairs in the backyard that I’ve rarely gone to sit in since the night my mother died. When I sat blankly until 2 am, staring at a candle and wishing for her parents to come and spirit her away from this earth as her breath rattled slowly away.

We went to the beach for Mother’s Day last year, spending a night in an oceanfront bungalow that would normally be way too indulgent for an innocuous holiday, but I had a rare and terrible gift: knowing that this was my last one.

I had only this one day into which I must pour every future Mother’s Day of which we were being robbed. And because I had to continually remind myself to be there in that moment, instead of thinking ahead to the years her chair would be empty, I could notice things I would probably not normally observe in my hypervigilant state: my mother’s hair, so different from mine, her dainty nose which I did not inherit, the way her hands would gently enfold the kids whenever they came into her line of vision. She was beautiful inside and out.

And Here We Are

One year later, I’ve come full circle to that spot I knew I must return to, and dread. It’s been there all along, these memories, receding into the shadows of the changing season and coming out again this spring to say hello. I see my friends post stories and pictures with their mothers, having recently entered into that comfortable spot in life where they can be totally honest and laugh about anything, and I feel an almost painful sense of longing remembering the small moments with my own mother I had come to treasure.

We met for lunch often, once the kids were older and in school. Our lunches were something my husband would always dread, because they were always followed by wandering into a store where she never, ever, ever talked me out of impractical things. Because of her, I own a snazzy chain link belt and a pair of Frye boots that I would never have bought on my own. It’s a silly thing, boots, but I love them. They suit me, as she said they would. They are happy boots. They are sad boots.

I know, because people have been tremendously generous with sharing their own stories, that this longing for more time will never go away. You never entirely forgive the universe for taking a treasure from you, even when you know anger is useless. It sucks and it will always suck, even when I’m an ancient crone cruising around on a walker.

Love Remains

But I cannot be anything but grateful that I had a mother whose love was so encompassing that to lose her has left me devastated. How many of us worry that if we were gone, no one would care? She never did.

Every year was a gift and a marvel. While her physical form is gone, Mom surrounds me in a thousand little ways, from the whistle of a teakettle to the smell of a cookie, the joy in a beautiful sunset, the strength to do what needs to be done. She’s here. In some form or another, love remains.

To those celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend, my love goes to you. Take a deep breath and really experience it, be you the recipient or the giver. And if you are hurting and dreading the day, don’t be afraid to run away from the brunches and the flower shops, the rituals and the intact families, the resentment and the sorrow. Find a place that brings you peace. Buy some sad boots. Go to the beach. Sit in a forest. Sadness means you loved deeply, and that has its own kind of beauty.

And wherever you go, don’t forget to take your dog. 🙂

 

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Featured Posts Tagged With: cancer sucks, mom, Mother's Day

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kristen says

    May 6, 2016 at 9:35 am

    I have no real words to offer you, but I truly thank you for the reminder to be grateful.

    • carolinegolon says

      May 6, 2016 at 10:38 am

      You are so right. Thank you, Dr. V. xoxo

  2. Steph Schmidt says

    May 6, 2016 at 10:43 am

    Beautifully written and a great reminder. I am one of those that would run away and hide, but my kids and husband won’t let me… thank you.

  3. Robbi says

    May 6, 2016 at 10:48 am

    This is so beautiful and so timely as Mother’s Day will be the two month anniversary of my mom passing. I am trying to be happy for my children, but my heart is breaking. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post.

  4. Christine T says

    May 6, 2016 at 11:02 am

    Thank you for this post. I am very sad to say the pawspice vet is coming to my home Sunday, Mother’s Day, to help my beloved best friend Sofie pass peacefully from this long journey. She has been my constant companion for 16 years, through 2 cancers and four years of borrowed time. When my mom passed suddenly after Thanksgiving a few years ago, my Sofie sat with me graveside – for hours, nursing me through the pain as I have always done for her.
    I will miss her greatly. And my heart hurts writing this and reading this post. But I am going to bring some of her ashes to my Mom’s final resting place to let her know her furry friend has joined her to watch over her and keep her company.
    Love is journey. Grief is a journey. And I am so unbelievably grateful that I have had my Sofie by side for such a great portion of it.

  5. JaneK says

    May 6, 2016 at 8:15 pm

    Sadness does have its own kind of beauty. Hugs to you

  6. Nicole Morgan says

    May 6, 2016 at 8:23 pm

    Wear those boots and walk the dog … smell the jasmine wherever you can .. and remember.

Primary Sidebar

Picks of the Litter

Popular Posts

  • Much Love to the Cat Guys
    Much Love to the Cat Guys
  • Why I Hate That Stupid Mom Pie Quote
    Why I Hate That Stupid Mom Pie Quote
  • What You Should Know About the FDA Alert on Grain Free Dog Foods
    What You Should Know About the FDA Alert on Grain Free Dog Foods
  • Vaccine vs Disease, Parvo Edition: an Infographic
    Vaccine vs Disease, Parvo Edition: an Infographic
  • Vaccinations for Your Dog: A Complex Issue, by Nancy Kay, DVM
    Vaccinations for Your Dog: A Complex Issue, by Nancy Kay, DVM
  • Cat in a Box: The Litterbox Chronicles, Part 1
    Cat in a Box: The Litterbox Chronicles, Part 1
  • Here's Who I Blame for the High Cost of Vet Care
    Here's Who I Blame for the High Cost of Vet Care
  • Animal Use in Pet Food Research: The Hill's Approach
    Animal Use in Pet Food Research: The Hill's Approach
  • Game Day! With Pawcurean Dog Nachos
    Game Day! With Pawcurean Dog Nachos
  • World's Most Adorable Degenerate Produce
    World's Most Adorable Degenerate Produce

Posts by Topic

Posts by Date

Footer

On Instagram

No images found!
Try some other hashtag or username

On Facebook

On Pinterest

  • Game of Thrones Houses
  • Is It OK To Text a Vet Friend For Free Advice? – Pawcurious: With Veterinarian and Author Dr. V
  • How Not To Kill Your Cat This Easter
  • Infographic: "42 Funeral and Burial Rituals from Around the World"
  • Throwing a dog friendly Bark Party is the best way to meet new neighbors! Check out my tips for a successful dog meet-up and giveaway, sponsored by @StateFarm!
  • Terms
  • Privacy
  • Advertise
  • Contact
  • PR, Giveaways, and Brands
  • © Copyright 2009-2025 Pawcurious, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
  • Web Design by Moxie Design Studios
Scroll Up