I admit it. I am a bad dog mother. I did what every other person on the planet does despite swearing they won't do when they have a kid, and got lazy. Back in 2004, Emmett was a feisty 3 year old, all red and athletic and ready for anything. All of a sudden, I turn around and the kid is starting kindergarten and Emmett is going grey and all the sneaked in toddler food has given him a spare tire that I'm not walking him enough to get rid of. Consider me flogged. I feel pretty badly about it. So ... Read more »
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The Amazing Dr. V knows all, sees all
I think some clients truly believe I have a crystal ball squirreled away in the treatment area. With such a mystical device at my disposal, surely there is no need for such silly, superfluous money wasting devices like bloodwork, x-rays, or even a pesky physical exam. I simply see the dog or cat- nay, with my powers I can even ascertain their sickly auras over the phone- run into the back, whip the velvet cover off my ball-box, and gaze into its depths. "O, Great Crystal Kitty Ball," I ... Read more »
The Trouble with Barbie
For arguably the most popular girls' toy of all time, Barbie sure does seem like something concocted by a guy. May I present to you Exhibit A: Barbie Pet Vet. Because I can't help myself, I own several versions of Veterinarian Barbie-excuse me- Pet Doctor Barbie- starting with her 1996 incarnation in chartreuse hot pants. She's gone through some changes over the years, but this is the first one I've seen actually wearing a miniskirt. Make that, a miniskirt that was then hemmed a few ... Read more »
There’s a reason the Marlboro Man doesn’t own dogs
There is a touchy question I have to work in whenever a client brings in a pet with a chronic cough. Somewhere in between the "how long has it been going on"s and the "what medications have you tried"s I have to find a way to tactfully phrase, "Are there any smokers in the house?" Most of the time it isn't really that hard a question to pose. I just ask it, and get either a yes or no. I don't ask if it is them personally who smokes, so that leaves the door open to blame the roommate, which most ... Read more »
Ole!
One of my favorite clients came in yesterday. Let's call him 'The Matador'. Everything about him screams 'machismo'. He struts into the exam room with his chest jutting proudly out, his wife trailing two or three feet behind, and plunks his poodle Beatrice on the table. "HELLO, Doctor!" he booms jovially. "I am here with my best girl! And my wife! hahahahahahahaha!" He loves to make bad jokes. "What's that?" he asks when I give Beatrice dewormer. Beatrice spits it out on the table. "What are ... Read more »
Blessings be with you, Brother Skippy
Skippy's previous owners told me, when I questioned them, that he did not bark. I have a witness, it was asked during the Great Skippy Relinquisition and answered in the negative. I asked this because the answer was important to me. I don't like yippy dogs. Obviously, those previous owners lied. Forked-tongue demons of the most motivated variety they were, because He Barks. Oh, how he barks. It's not the kind of thing you forget, like "does he scratch his ears" or "drag his butt," the sort of ... Read more »
Something old, something new
I like symmetry. Matching pairs make me happy and fulfill my slight OCD tendencies. For the last few years, I really had it perfect: two cats, two dogs, two kids; one boy and one girl of each. Then Mulan died, and things felt off-balance. I didn't want another dog simply to be balanced, though; my intentions were pure. Zoe missed having a dog to play with; Emmett is very ambivalent about the children. Emmett missed having a companion. The cats and my husband could care less. I was thinking in ... Read more »
Another day, another doody
Warm, sunny, 70 degrees. A perfect day for going out in the yard and scooping poop. Normally, this thrilling job is left to my husband, but with the occasional business trip sweeping him away (get it?) I'm left with the less than savory chores. The culprit, of course, is no help. He creates a lot of work. He's 80 pounds, after all, and he eats a lot of food. He also eats a lot of other stuff. Picking up after him is a voyage of discovery. "What is that- tinfoil? Ugh....dissolved diaper ... Read more »
In other unshocking news…
Anyone out there still thinking the old alpha-rolling-your-big-Rottie-technique is a good one? In the latest issue of Applied Animal Behavior Science, a new study reveals that aggressive training methods result in an aggressive pet. According to the study's author, using "confrontational" methods such as the stare-down, growling at the dog, physical punishment, and alpha rolling not only do not correct the problem behavior, they can make aggression worse. This is not news to most veterinary ... Read more »
When satin lined coffins are out of the question
Mulan's ashes arrived back from the pet memorial park in a very nice cedar box. I took the box inside the house, and placed it on the counter next to my keys, whereupon my 4 year old immediately honed in and asked what was in the box. "Memories," I told her, then whisked the box out of her hands before she tried to open it. Right now Mulan is resting on top of the TV. It is the only place where she is safe from kid-hands and misplacement. I feel badly that I haven't picked somewhere more ... Read more »
