"A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." -Tenneva Jordan Last week, my husband sold the U2 tickets he bought for us back in January because it conflicted with my daughter's school play. I'm not gonna lie, it was painful, but sometimes you have to put things aside when you're a parent. I say sometimes, though, because I think that's an important distinction to make in the Pinterest era where everyone ... Read more »
Mother of the Year
This is Why I Now Wait in the Car at School Pickup
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Top 5 Ways Being a Vet Prepared Me for Parenthood
It took me a good decade, but I can finally say I think I’m getting this motherhood thing figured out. It was not intuitive for me, not easy or instantly amazing the way it was when I brought home my first pet. With my animals, I knew no matter how challenging things were, we would figure it out and it would be ok. I don’t know why I lacked that confidence with the kiddos. Maybe I’m just part dog. But no matter! We all have our strengths in life, but the one thing I wish I knew a lot earlier ... Read more »
CucumberGate, Terror, Abuse, and You
So by now you've all seen the videos, right? A person places a cucumber behind a cat who's blissfully chomping away on some food. The cat turns around, spots the sinister gourd, and jumps about five feet in the air. The first thing that happened was that a bunch of people thought it was funny and shared it all over the internet. The second thing that happened was a bunch of experts chimed in warning about how this wasn't a benign thing, that cats could be permanently scarred, and that ... Read more »
I’ve Got Thick Skin, and a Fuzzy Heart
I was certain when I had kids that my motherhood chip would finally kick in, that I would finally start to react to babies the way I reacted to dogs and cats. Because surely that maternal instinct in my heart had merely been misdirected all these years, and was simply in need of a little oxytocin and fine-tuning to point it to the appropriate species upon which I should lavish my affection. Now my kids are 11 and 9 and I can say this with absolute certainty: not so much. Don't get me ... Read more »
Brain Food
Did you know tomorrow is National Donut Day? Donuts have always held a special place in my family's heart. Mystical, you might even say. I grew up in New England, where Dunkin Donuts are as ubiquitous as Starbucks and McDonalds. Driving through for a box of Munchkins was our way of celebrating, commiserating, or simply getting a sugar fix. For my grandfather, the Dunk was also a neighborhood gathering place where he went to shoot the breeze, down a jelly donut with a coffee regular (it's a ... Read more »
The 5 Gratitudes and the Very Important Question
Today marks five weeks since my mother's diagnosis with aggressive Grade IV glioblastoma, five weeks since my family's lackadaisical spring was hit by a grenade that launched us into the surreal world of watching someone next to you on the beach suddenly snatched away by a rogue wave and pulled, slowly but inexorably, off by a receding tide. I thought I would be much more angry than I am, angry at the unfairness of a universe that takes her in such a cruel manner while it leaves behind the ... Read more »
The Everything in Nothing
I know I've been remiss in posting, and I wish very much I could say it's because I've been so busy creating amazing and exciting book campaigns and creating a plan to hit the NY Times Bestseller List in July. I still want to, don't get me wrong, and I still plan to at least give it ago. But that's not why I've been quiet. I guess you could say I've been doing nothing. Nothing. Let me explain. I've said to many people when I started working with as a hospice veterinarian two years ago it ... Read more »
Do No Harm
I always assumed my experience as a veterinarian would serve me at some point when I needed to navigate the human healthcare system. The similarities between veterinary training and medical training, after all, lend themselves to a good number of similarities: how to read scientific articles critically. How to read an MRI. When to call the office and say, this prescription doesn't seem quite right, is this what you wanted? The similarities are all well and good, but I never understood, in the ... Read more »
Grand Opening: The Pawcurious Surgical Training Centre
So, every year I attempt some form of creative teaching enterprise at the kids' school, and some years go better than others. This year, in a school I really like, I think things went well. I was asked to do a "veterinary science station" for the annual Science Fair, and I thought back to what I was excited about when I was a kid: Playing with guts! And I thought to myself, I bet I could create a dog version of this anatomical model. So I went to Joann's, bought a bunch of ... Read more »
The Long Dark Twee-Time of the Soul
As you probably know, I have a bit of a complicated relationship with the PTA moms. Not moms in general, mind you, just the small subset of Pinterest loving, glue-gun wielding domestic lifestyle experts whose expectations I can never, despite my best efforts, seem to live up to. It doesn't matter what school we're at, it happens every time. First it was the art project/pooper scooper incident in kindergarten. Then it was the Have a Very Agro Valentine's Day episode. And now it's crudite, crudite ... Read more »
Good health is a revelation
When I took my son in for his first routine eye exam, I had no idea he needed glasses. Neither did he. He seemed fine, wasn't running into things, was reading fine in school, but nonetheless the optometrist suggested glasses. OK, I said, let's give it a shot. One week later, his glasses arrived and we went into the office to pick them up. He picked them up dubiously, slid them over the bridge of his nose, and stood there for a moment, blinking as the refracted light hit his retina in new and ... Read more »
Nobody puts Geeky in the corner
When I was six, my mother enrolled me in my first dance class. I enjoyed it, I had fun, I got to wear cute little sailor costumes and get up on stage and tunelessly tap my feet. The teacher always arranged us in two rows, and this being the early 80s before everyone had to get equal play, she arranged us not by height but by talent. The precocious dancers with the big smiles and the good rhythm were front and center, and those who tripped on their shoelaces or danced with the angry pounding ... Read more »
Headless dog cakes and other sundry sacrifices
Before I get into the details of this weekend, it's important to understand the massive pile of guilt from under which I was trying to emerge. One year ago this month, the chaos began. The endless lines of people rifling through our home in an endless stream had already been going on for seven months, but one year ago was when we agreed, from exhaustion more than anything else, to sell the home. All for the promise of a better education for the kids, which necessitated a move out of the ... Read more »
The Dude’s Guide to Losing a Pet
In my thirty something years on this planet, I've never seen my father cry. I think part of me assumed for a really long time that men simply just didn't feel things as intensely as women did, which of course is not true at all. As a society, men are pressured from the get-go to bottle up any sort of sadness or grief, hammer it down, force it inward. The very word "man up" sums it up: outward signs of sadness are feminine, wussy, and will get you devoured. I don't think it's inherently this ... Read more »
The One Thing I’m Telling You Before You Have a Kid
There are few situations I dread more than a young couple with a new pet they refer to as "our child". I'm not talking every young couple with a pet, mind you, but specifically those that refer to him or her as a kid. Though you might expect these to be the most involved and conscientious owners, and oftentimes they are, just as often you see them about a year or two later with a stroller and a decidedly changed attitude. And then you don't see them at all. Note to Allison: You Personally ... Read more »
In the Game of Boys, you win or you die
Every once in a while I find myself remembering just how similar we are to our primate relatives; how, when the trappings of modernity are removed from our dextrous fingers we regress to our most primal of behaviors with nary a glance backwards. You don't even need to travel to a different continent to explore indigenous tribes or venture out with an anthropology researcher intent on dissecting human behavior. You just need to go camping. Preferably with a large group of young boys. When ... Read more »
Hi, I love you, yep
Yesterday, I went on a field trip with my daughter's class as a chaperone. I was reminded, yet again, of why I became a veterinarian. The teacher is an angel on earth and I do not, for one second, think I could do what she does. I watched one nine year old dissolve into an inconsolable heap of tears because she lost during a game of Red Rover. I watched another child, who was walking barefoot on the park grass, get called over by her mother and told to apply hand sanitizer to her feet at ... Read more »
